December 15, 2017

MY VERY OWN AVERY LABELS

 

POSITIVELY
DESCRIBING ME

 

CONFIDENTLY
POSITIVE

 

NEGATIVELY
DESCRIBING ME

 

ADVERSELY
NEGATIVE

American

 

Neutral

 

Athletic

 

Nervous

Balanced

 

Optimist

 

Blunt

 

Opinionated

Conversationalist

 

Patriot

 

Competitive

 

Perfectionist

Determined

 

Quirky

 

Daring

 

Quiet

Educated

 

Resilient

 

Enthusiastic

 

Religious

Friendly

 

Spiritual

 

Frugal

 

Stubborn

Giving

 

Tenacious

 

Generous

 

Transparent

Hungarian

 

Unpretentious

 

Humble

 

Unapologetic

Introvert

 

Virtuous

 

Insecure

 

Verbal

Jovial

 

Well-wriitten

 

Jaded

 

Workaholic

Knowledgeable

 

Xenodochial

 

Kind

 

XX

Loyal

 

Young-at-Heart

 

Loner

 

Yielding

Meticulous

 

Zealous

 

Methodical

 

Zippy

 

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November 20, 2017

LIVING LIFE FULLY ON BORROWED TIME

It’s been one year since you took your last breath on Earth and left us. At times it seems so long ago and other times it seems like it was only yesterday we let you go. Not a single day has gone by that we both share roller coaster of emotions from tears of sadness or sharing a good laugh with you. I don’t think you ever get over losing someone as much as you learn to get along each hour, each day, each month and my guess each passing year, just memories begin to fill the places of emptiness and pain.

I imagine you were greeted by welcoming audiences filled with love as we sent our love and said our good-byes. I can faintly hear family and friends who arrived before you chattering about. I see shadows of a joyful reunion when you made your rounds to see all those people who missed you since their arrival. You no longer have to rush anywhere and are free stay a little longer and not have to worry about all the unfinished things left to do. The clock seems to have no hands where you are and leaves you with no set time to hurry you along.

Despite your chair sitting vacant most of the day, there’s always something to make us remember the time spent together and the love we shared. I have your cap from our trip to Costa Rica sitting on one of my dining room chairs, reminding me of our adventure on the Panama Canal cruise. It greets me when I walk in the door and keeps me at peace as I leave the security of my own home. There are times I feel you visiting and sharing your words of wisdom, laughing with me and even times beaming with pride at my accomplishments or even losing your temper at my inept handyman skills.

Within the short period of the first three months we were immediately assaulted with having to share your passing on Thanksgiving Day with family and friends both far and near, to finding ways to carry-on and get through days of special significance of my birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, your anniversary and then Mom’s birthday. Although we never made a big deal of these days, it was a special day for the three of us to be together as a family. The next six months we coped through Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and your birthday. We even managed to find a way to honor you by enjoying one of your favorite lunches. Finally, the last three months, were without any major days of special significance but still not a moment goes by without us reminiscing. 

While so many of us miss your presence, hearing your voice, share a story or just reminisce of days past we accept you’re at peace, free of pain, no longer carrying worries or troubles or limited by your abilities. One year has come and gone this Friday, November 24, 2017, it seems like only yesterday that you took your last breath and you silently said good-bye and left us. Your zest to live was proven time and time again as you had always overcome each health challenge thrown at you. This fierce tenacity remained strong to the end, but this time you were called to heaven as your time on Earth was on borrowed time.

We will continue to celebrate you on days of special significance by reminiscing and finding peace in the simple things you enjoyed and living life to the fullest. It’s from this view, off the dock at our cottage, I realize in life, time doesn’t stand still for any of us. As time remains the only constant in life, we are then left with no choice but to live life fully until it’s our time to say good-bye and reunite with those who have made this journey before us.




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August 24, 2017

STANDING FOR SOMETHING GREATER THAN MYSELF

As the last weeks of summer come to a close, the days are always filled with a perfect pandemonium filled with a balanced blend of chaos and structure. As a Program Director I was winding down summer after school programs and summer camp and preparing to open the school year after school programs.

The summer after school programs finished two weeks before school started for the new school year, I was pushing staff at these sites to do registrations for Super Session. Super Session was the last week designed for those in summer school to get a chance to be exposed to traditional summer day camp activities; field trips, swimming, arts and crafts, sports and all the other exciting activities they missed while attending summer school. Summer after school programs became extended school day programs often filled with academic activities and teacher led tutoring disguised as fun-filled summer camp activities to reduce attrition and fall back. As much as the teachers tried, there was no bamboozling the children in believing they spent their summer in remediation.

The summer camp programs ended the Friday before school started on the following Monday. About half my staff worked the full year; which included summer camp, school year after school programs, fun day camps and holiday break camps and others were school board employees who worked strictly school year after school programs. No rest from transitioning from one program to the next for full year employees. The last weekly session of summer camp was scheduled much like the previous sessions in terms of activities and field trips centered around themes based on whether they were traditional or sports camp. Summer camp still remains my favorite program the YMCA operates with its excitement of being able to build relationships not only with our campers but our families to a greater extent than with after school programs. The campers are in the program for eight to 10 hours daily over two months which often allows relationships to continue long after the camper’s last years in the program. Campers and their families still recognize me twenty plus years after I finished operating summer camps and approach me with specific details and significant memories of something special.

With four summer after school programs to close down and start preparing to open ten school year after school programs in two weeks, the transition is an incredible feat in stamina of the outstanding site directors and supportive school board staff to make it appear virtually seamless. My energies, still focused on summer camp. How do I keep enrollment counts status quo without the customary last week drop? How do I end camp on a high note to be able to sell out fun day and holiday camps? What do I plan for my staff to celebrate a successful summer? Too many how’s and what’s and when’s to even shelve and with hopes it will resolve itself out. With a huge interjection, they always seem to resolve itself, even if inside I doubted it and saw imperfections others overlooked, but that was part of my own desire for perfection.

Friday, August 21 ended the camp session with little fanfare of excitement. Some children went swimming, others went on a field trip. As the last campers were waiting to be picked up, staff closed down camp for the week, walked around to make sure everything was put away, locked up and cleaned up our site. Some staff’s conversations centered around where to meet up after the day’s program ended and what will we do; dinner, bowling or some other diversion. Remember, how I said earlier how camp builds relationships? Well, when a good staff team comes together, often lifelong friendships are created. More often than not people grow up, move on and develop new career paths, get married and well, life gets in the way. Often ties are temporarily severed and then rekindled by finding someone on social media or through a reconnection from being recognized while out and about. With our staff scheduling the night’s activities, I doubt many staff were aware of what appeared Tropical Storm Andrew, looming just off our Atlantic coast and appeared to be weakening.

Little did anyone know leaving on that Friday, August 21 and returning on Monday, August 24 will be permanently etched into memory banks as we will all know exactly where we were the very moment when the media reported to brace for Andrew to hit south Florida. By Saturday morning, south Floridians were buying last minute hurricane necessities such supplies of food, water, toiletries and items to protect their property. Over the weekend, the sounds of people preparing their homes for the anticipated arrival of an unruly visitor filled neighborhoods while I witnessed something different. Neighbors avoided the obligatory wave as they passed each other and engaged in conversation with each other and came together, to go out of their way to help one another. The hours leading to Sunday, August 23 evening arrived quicker than anyone would have hoped. The sun settled in for the evening slumber as did my family and guests, we all settled in and became hypnotized to the nonstop television coverage until everything went black hours before dawn.

For what seemed like eternity, the unrelenting howling winds, flashes of lightning and the occasional sounds of deafening crashes of debris flying and explosions of transformers blown were the only things penetrating the hurricane shutters protecting the windows. It was not until seeing the devastation on television we realized how fortunate to have only lost electricity and sustained tolerable damage, as we were able to remain inconvenienced in the comforts of our own home. Just a block away, the enormous banyan trees which lined the median of Park Road were all toppled over. Broward County was spared the worst while our neighbors further south in Miami-Dade County weren’t as fortunate.

By mid-Monday, our neighborhood, again, came together, helping one another to clear driveways and yards of fallen debris, cooking meals on gas barbeques to use up any perishables in our freezers, watching television hooked up to car batteries and just counted our blessings and prayed for those who suffered losses of all their life’s possessions. Somehow telephone service remained and family and friends called to check in on us as the media reported south Florida was annihilated by Hurricane Andrew. In the midst of all the calls, my YMCA supervisor called me to check in on my family, after a few moments there was silence on the other end. While I am certain it was hard for him to ask the question, I don’t think he realized his question required no second guessing or a moment to think about it, but the answer was a unwavering, “Yes.” as my job was much more than just a job to collect a paycheck.

The “Yes.” was an answer to a multiple pronged debriefing statements twisted into inviting interrogation of action items.

1. Visit camp site, assess it, close it down, pack it up – doesn’t look as is going another session.

The camp site located in a park was filled with debris from trees and destroyed shelters/cabins. Our cabins were nothing more than clapboard rooms sitting on pallets foundations. We packed up salvageable items and vacated the camp site.

2. Secure strong staff (mature, emotional and physical) to help our neighbors to the south.

Basically, I and a couple of my staff were “voluntold” our responsibilities will be to work Hurricane Andrew Recovery at the direction of the YMCA of Greater Miami.

3. To put trust into God first, and then my strong team to start the school year off.

I didn’t realize at the time my commitment was for 3 to 5 days weekly to work at Harris Field and due to curfews my ability to arrive and leave was at the discretion of the armed forces personnel. . Our staff were able to pull together clothing, toiletry essentials, drinking water and canned foods for us to deliver to various staging areas.

I am not sure exactly which day we took the first convoy to Harris Field was – it was either by Thursday or Friday. Packed in backpacks were dry socks, t-shirts and pants and basic toiletry necessities and prepared for what may have been the most impactful moment of our lives. The further south we drove on Florida’s Turnpike, the devastation progressed and increased by magnitudes from the few trees down and some debris scattered around in the south Broward County/north Miami-Dade County, to full catastrophic war-like destruction of entire neighborhoods where unidentifiable from their original state. The television reports were unable to capture the full effect of the damage, the magnitude could only have been seen in person. No words can express the gut-wrenching and emotional uneasiness tension felt. Once we arrived at Harris Field, we saw lines of people waiting in queue for the basic necessities of which we all take for granted each and every day.

The YMCA of Greater Miami had allowed me to assist in my area of expertise – child care, as they set up a makeshift child care center at Harris Field. Over the next 4 months, I spent countless hours and days changing diapers, powdering behinds, feeding and nurturing the youngest to playing games to distract fears and listening to their sadness of school-age children whose whole world turned upside down. My blessings were reinforced by this experience as I was able to go home once a week to take a shower without hot water, sleep in my own bed without air conditioning, have decent meals without electricity and to come home to a roof over my head. In the early days, it was always doubtful where you could catch a nap or even shower and where your next meal will come from as these resources were just unavailable. At times the temperature and humidity felt as Hurricane Andrew had knocked the wind out of the area and left no breeze or circulation of air and turned up the heat to just add more gloom to the already existent feelings of despair felt by so many.

The YMCA of Broward County contingent was one of the last groups of YMCA volunteers to leave Harris Field for the final time knowing too well there was still a long road for our neighbors as I returned to my YMCA full time just before winter holiday camp. Without skipping a beat, I integrated myself back into my programs and retook reigns from my outstanding staff. I picked up where I left off 4 months earlier with items needing immediate attention and to begin preparations for the upcoming summer programs with the only difference is having gained a new found awareness of how in the course of a weekend how the best laid plans can change at a moment’s notice and how this change demonstratively can leave you humble.

Today, August 24, 2017, marked twenty-five years since Hurricane Andrew decided to visit and leave a lasting legacy to all who embraced his fury and manage to find life’s pearl. Its remembering how the YMCAs throughout the country came together to rebuild each community and comfort countless families with stability, routines, resources and hope during their darkest hours that solidified to me what the YMCA is truly all about. Through this experience I met some outstanding people to whom I have lifelong relationships with and it was then I recommitted myself to the YMCA movement and its time withstanding mission.
 
 
 
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July 21, 2017

PRESSING PAUSE TO CAPTURE ONE MOMENT IN TIME

My heart is telling me one thing, my mind another while my gut told me to trust instinct...

Much like a roller coaster with its many banked turns, barrel rolls, vertical loops and flat turns, July 2017 will have finished the first year of special dates without Dad to celebrate with. Although not quite a year has passed but I managed to get through the myriad milestones of what a year can hold – holiday, birthdays, anniversaries and other days of familial significance.

There were moments of elation and happiness, fondly remembering something he said or something he did. Even him losing his temper at my ineptness and lack of ability to learn to be handy like he was, in so many skilled areas. He was able to figure out solutions to everyday issues and find ways to remind me if I don’t learn how to do simple things I will be “paying my paycheck for a mickey mouse job that I could have done myself for relatively free” for even the most minute tasks. There is a subliminal reason why I chose to live in a condominium and not a house. As I reflect on these moments, sadness and tears flow freely, knowing I just can’t pick up the phone to share a story or a laugh at something I screwed up or even to hear his advice on a problem I would share. My selfishness releases anger at times as I felt I was robbed time with Dad, although I know how blessed I am to have had him having my back for almost forty-seven years.

While at the beach tonight I got lost in my own inner realm as I stared into tonight’s heaven, and felt Dad's presence. As the sun began to set, a somber a star twinkled brightly, a tear rolled down my cheek, knowing too well he's so far away but still so near to me in so many ways. I hear his advice as I struggle with thoughts. I hear him get frustrated and then laugh and at my weaknesses. Yet, I know he is beaming with pride in my successes and the intangibles he's passed on to me. I yearn often from him to still be here to celebrate those special moments as his presence is missed each and every day.

I stared aimlessly out at the ocean, reminiscing countless memories of my many Muskoka summers. The cottage now belongs to another family building their own summer of traditions and memories. My senses fill with bittersweet happiness, as pressing pause to capture one moment in time will forever preserve the memory.

As the cottages on the Severn River slowly fill with people escaping the city's chaos for the upcoming weekend, the silence of the week awakens. Like an extended family, Hungarian neighbors with a splash of Canadians begin to fill our small cottage with constant chatter and loud laughter. With plentiful music, various food and flowing drinks and lifelong friends this American's childhood is filled with nostalgic memories.  Some stayed inside the cottage while others gathered on the porch and some drifted between both to enjoy friendships forged decades earlier.  Countless friends have come through the warm, welcoming doors over the years, my parents always offered a place to stop by for a drink, a chat and a bite to eat and celebrate life's gift of the present.

Dad will be celebrating his birthday with a "union break" with a shot or two of Pálinka amongst his family and friends In heaven this weekend while the rest of us celebrate with our cherished memories and perhaps enjoy something he enjoyed.

I have come and completed the cycle and have managed to find myself as I am all too human. With that, I realize I own all my feelings and emotions as I do to my reactions to all that has been thrown at me since he left me.

...and my gut prevails as I find peace and comfort, once again, knowing he’s in a better place and he’s no longer in pain and suffering and that I will see him again, in time.

Thanks Dad and Happy Birthday!

 Back - Left to Right - Andras "Bandi" Juhasz, myself, Miklos Kazmer (cousin)
Front - Left to Right - Andy Juhasz, Vilmos Kovacs (Dad)
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April 30, 2017

ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD

In my early childhood and school-age programs, I NEVER allowed for glitter to be used in or on any projects coming from my centers. I realize this often was the highlight of an arts and crafts project or a holiday’s creative décor but it was a NO, NO and a final NO when staff begged for it on their supply wish lists. It ultimately, always remained on the wish list as being unfulfilled by the shopping master - me.

No matter how many times you thought you cleaned up, glitter always seemed to find a way to resurface months later in the most unexpected and most unusual areas. For this reason alone, glitter was banned from use in my programs. Like confetti, it was an unwelcomed small assortment of flat shapes which at different angles caused the surface to sparkle or shimmer causing an “ooh and ahh” by the children. Some of my best staff were just as fascinated by it, as if they were thrown into some trance by the glitter hypnotist. If you didn’t catch my point, it brought me no joy, none of the excitement and definitively caused a great deal of angina and heartburn throughout my years of working in these programs.

The glitter I am writing about is not the one I banned from my programs but investments in the human capital of the organization. The administrators of organizations need to reprioritize in which staff are treated as their greatest assets and not their largest liability. An investment in time to cultivate relationships, encouraging job training, afford opportunities to climb the ladder, mentor for success and to provide work-life balance. These investments are often create the same angina and heartburn to administration as glitter did for me. The liability occurs when the staff turnover is like the revolving door at the local department store and staff morale falls below the dingy ring around a dirty sink.

Technology has been a great time saving appliance in our workplace. It has made countless mundane tasks less burdensome and provided efficiencies to take on additional tasks. Nevertheless, the end result also brought those furthest away from us closer (i.e. Facebook, FaceTime, SMS, IM, e-mail etc) and pushed those close to us further away for the very same reasons. Think of it. How many times was it simpler for you to go (pick choice technology) then to go do a face-to-face or make the phone call or better yet, visit someone? We rarely ever take time to cultivate relationships as time often interferes with our tasks to be done. A simple morning greeting at the coffee machine or the gathering at lunchtime to catch up with one another is today’s workplace the exception not the pleasantries exchanged in years past. With the limited exchange staff have with one another, how is it we hold them accountable to a higher standard of customer service and interaction with our members?

Once hired, staff are rarely provided an orientation to the company’s culture and expectations. The expectation here is the staff member will perfectly sail on their first day. Coupled with lack of interest in cultivating relationships and the releasing of dollars to encourage job training – these new staff members are setup to fail from day one. It has been said, failure to plan is planning to fail. New staff members are often left to their own initiatives or there lack of to either succeed or to fail in their first weeks in a new position. The investment of proper training, informal relationship building and seasoned with a little praise and attention provides the right ingredients for achievement in their position. The opposite occurs when staff left to their own instincts, individual interpretation of policies and procedures, isolation into their own silo and lack of interaction of others fosters lower morale, staff members who work against each other and the grain of progress.

An effective organizational leader not only can take pride in realizing a mentee has been able to pack the tool belt of career skills to begin climbing the ladder. This is the initial stages of effective succession planning to allow the supervisor to step up on the next rungs. With the right investment of cultivating relationships and encouraging job training, organizations can begin to coach for their own for growth through purposeful succession planning and not be trapped in the trenches of trying to stay afloat in a pool of uninspiring wannabe leaders.  

With proper guidance and a well-equipped tool belt, both the supervisor and the upcoming leader can focus on a mutual progression of moving the organization forward through common and purposeful goals to meet the mission of their organization. Together, a healthy work-life balance and the realization and development of a whole person becomes a win-win for all key leaders. The characteristics of an effective leader affords opportunities for others to climb the ladder, mentor for success and to provide a work-life balance in a new career era of being available twenty-four/7 as a result of our codependence relationship with our technology. It is then when a leader recognizes the importance of this balance and values the emerging leader a mutual respect has now helped to begin building relationships that currently is missing.

The rock group, Led Zeppelin had many convinced from his song “Stairway to Heaven”, “there's a lady that's sure, all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.” I remain steadfast in doubt, that in today’s workplace, all that glitters is not gold. However; with the right leadership, the glitter may start to begin sparkle and shimmer as it once did when both employer and employees had respect, loyalty and integrity for each other. It is now time for the paradigm to shift once again to balance a successful life with equal weights of family and friends and things we enjoy with a career filled with goal attainment, self fulfillment and leaders who inspire us to see us shine and shimmer to our highest potential.


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March 25, 2017

STAY IN YOUR LANE

If you have been reading my blog regularly, you will have an understanding of the ups and downs of my YMCA career as well as undoubtedly have a grasp of the numerous positions I’ve held over the past thirty plus years. From camp counselor to most recently payroll administrator the story’s much like a soap opera, as the plot and climax remain the same but a new cast of characters and scenes change with each passing season. With all the positions I held and the numerous changes in leadership, I have survived the continuous bombardment of learning curves and understanding behavior dynamics.

Each position presented itself with its new set of knowledge and skills which often where not transferable from the position departed. I managed to secure three degrees: Associate of Arts (Elementary Education), Bachelor of Public Administration and Master of Science in Parks and Recreation Administration as well as almost completed a Doctoral program, ABD as well. While working in child care, I completed my Associate of Arts degree and found the parallels in both my academic studies and professional career. As my career moved along towards more administrative duties, my Bachelor of Public Administration and Master of Parks and Recreation Administration prepared me for the new challenges my new roles would take me on. With each educational attainment came an exciting opportunity for my career to advance as well. With such specific parallels, I was able to broaden my skills sets allowing me to diversify my knowledge portfolio in an intentional direction. As these same characters appear and reappear throughout my journey and how my story keeps unfolding – page by page. I find some come in for a reason which you may not know at that time, while others come in for a season to teach a much needed lesson.

With each passing year, a new cast of characters and scenes take the place of some others who have moved on. As I mentioned, the plot and climax remained the same, just understanding the dynamics of behavior interwoven in the existing story always brings a twist with the same conclusion. The complexity of the characters is an unforgiving puzzle, in that once you think you have found the solution, there still is a missing piece that doesn’t quite fit the final vacancy on the puzzle board. It’s not until you get down to the looking at the intricate woven fiber that its noted where that piece will play out. The piece you just thought fit perfectly well in that upper right hand corner actually fit better in the lower left hand corner after you reexamined the jagged edges compared to the void on the puzzle board. The void, slowly plays out as you find how the piece seamlessly integrates within the framework of the storyline.

Along my journey, (as many have you come to know my idiom for my career) I’ve learned to stay in in my lane and only offer to change lanes when approached or finding that safe, sweet spot to move over a lane or two. Most often, staying in my lane and keeping up with the speed limit is the best option, I realized I will still get there, albeit eventually. Perhaps with the comforts of my own vehicle, held in safety and speed as the existing traffic warrants, I relish the ride, alone. At times, I may just want to pull over and enjoy the scenery or take a small break to break up the silent monotony, while staying focused on the destination ahead. I continue, to proceed at my own steadfast pace, affording opportunities presented and not simply passing them up. Before I know it, the time has come for me to leave my lane and pull over, and repeat the cycle, once again.

Thanks, to a greater share of today’s technology in our lives, the whirlwind of today not tomorrow deadlines and the constant and instant accessibility have in turn created endless days. I found myself compromising my own wellbeing and to a certain extent my own health, I always felt the need to look out for others’ missteps to prevent mishaps, adjust priorities to make sure tasks are completed and deadlines are met. Many may call it loyalty, dedicated and professionalism - I call it work ethic ingrained into my soul from an early age. Contrarily, I’m starting to question and place the blame on being naïve and lessons not learned early on. I caused my own falling into this trap one too many times. Rarely, if ever gained or benefited for myself at the expense of putting others first. The lesson learned was to always take priority for myself as no one else will make you their priority. It still remains difficult for me to stand up for myself and pushback and say no and let things go and not feel guilty. I will have to try harder and not fear the consequences of creating and staying in my own lane. 

As the road ahead blends and blurs with the sky’s horizon ahead, it seamlessly becomes an illusion of the road’s infinite ribbons composed of asphalt and concrete. I continue to drive towards a destination where the finale has yet to be determined, as I am too busy savoring the journey. “The journey is the reward.” as stated by Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computer. Well said. Ultimately, I have found my lane, but every once in a while, I find time to stop and take a breather and other times its best to know that staying in my own lane will take me on a journey, exclusively shaped for me by my creator.

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February 13, 2017

MINDING MANNERS WHEN MANNERS MATTER

February 2017

It has taken me nearly 3 months to get around to reading all the texts, e-mails, phone calls, Facebook posts and letters of love and support sent to Mom and I received on the recent passing of Vilmos (Bill) Kovacs, my Dad. Not only where there plenty of reading to do, but for me, reading them was the one of the most difficult parts of the grieving process I had to face. Contrarily, my willingness to talk about Dad or share a memory sheds less tears but not necessarily minimizing any emotions and the loss.

With a heavy, aching heart, Mom and I are trying to find our lives back to a new routine without Dad. He was a fighter to the end and will be remembered by all as a generous, kind soul who was devoted to his family and friends. The smiles, the laughter and taking time to listen to his stories he shared will be missed. From the outpouring of family and friends, it is no doubt he left his mark in all those he met whether lifelong friends or newly made ones.

From as far back as I can remember to even present day, my closest friends who came around to my parents' house knew my parents not as Bill and Elizabeth, not Mr and Mrs Kovacs, but called them Mom and Dad. Being an only child, the love and respect my friends have for my parents, allowed me to have "brothers" and "sisters" that I never had. When visiting, many friends like to visit and spend time chatting with them or when calling always ask how my parents are doing and then I get my time to engage in conversation with them. Never crossing my mind as why they would ask about my parents first, but I looked it at as not only do I have a great circle of friends but have even more awesome parents who were held in such regard by them.

Most of you have known in the last few years I was not only his son, but devoted caregiver along with my Mom being the primary caregiver. However, many of you never met my Dad. When newly retired, he offered to help us deliver Christmas trees during the holidays to our Y family centers or the Y after-school and pre-school sites I oversaw, or on the rare occasion when he visited a Y I worked at, I proudly introduced him to my work family. Even while battling cancer and the brutal treatments to overcoming three strokes and other health issues, he always fought and held strong despite the adversity thrown at him while remaining selfless to others. Those closest to me, have often been subject to me sharing some of our funniest, as well as well as most difficult times we’ve been through over the past several years.

For this, I want to thank each and every one of you for being there for me then and now. Many of you helped me get through some of the darkest days by reaching out to me, held me close with a hug or just simply being there. This has helped me celebrate Dad, in the way I prefer to remember him, as a relentless, stubborn warrior against illness and an enormous heart and taking his role as provider, father and husband as his personal creed.

Over the years, the myriad caregivers and health care professionals we encountered became part of our extended family. With their warmth, compassion and sense of humor they welcomed us genuinely and affectionately into their inner circle. These dedicated individuals continued to reinforce his strength to overcome the multiple health issues he faced. All the medical teams we encountered, embraced our family through some of the most challenging times we faced. Dad always fought and held strong despite the adversity thrown at him, he most often proved he was stronger than both Mom and I combined. Dad is the one who always reminded us “He’ll be alright” while Mom and I wondered how he would get through another obstacle in his way.

Through the help of devoted caretakers and medical professionals, they helped make the last several months of his life as comfortable as possible. Here’s a shout out to the ones who went above and beyond with a smile and offered extended emotional support. Mom and I would appreciate this letter be shared with all those who crossed paths with him as well and allow them to shine like the stars they are! They made his days better and brighter through providing him quality care despite the difficulty we faced as a family, transitioning to various levels of care. Helping him both medically and socially brought comfort to us, knowing he was being taken care of by many individuals who treated him with love, dignity, respect and genuine care. There are no words cannot express our gratitude and appreciation for all that they have done for us.

This last obstacle thrown at him, was the one he was unable to overcome, and probably why his passing made it all the harder for us. As Mom and I stood by his bedside, hoping, once again, that he will rebound and conquer and “be alright. “ In our hearts, we already knew it was time for him to let go and be free of the pain he so long endured.

It is my hope this past holiday season and forthcoming ones allowed time to bring you and your families together, create new memories, cherish past memories and time to reflect on what is what valued most, family, friends and time to be together. In prayer, I wish you and your families and friends opportunities to be filled with health, happiness and all that you dream.

Throughout my life, my parents proved once again, minding manners when manners matter does make a difference.


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January 29, 2017

REVISITING THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE TODAY

I am certain we all remember Aesop’s fable of The Tortoise and the Hare where the amiable tortoise triumphs the overconfident hare in the race of the century. I beg to differ, the tortoise may have won the race but the hare still may have come out ahead.

Times have changed for both the employee and the employer a whole 180 degrees since a century ago and even from when I first started 30 plus years ago. I’d like to believe the employer and employee would have a symbiotic relationship towards each other’s success. In the far distant past, it was the norm to take on a career with a company from college graduation until retirement. Today its expected and the norm that one will not only change companies you work for, but jobs and possibly careers once every five to seven years, mathematically coming to a minimum of seven times prior to retirement. This doesn’t even account the vast majority of college graduates whom end up in careers having a slim chance of paralleling their studies which culminated in a bachelor’s degree or greater.

Reflecting on the tortoise, it’s the perfect analogy of my own career path. I am crawling slowly in terms of moving ahead in my career options. Much of the lack of climbing the latter towards the proverbial glass ceiling was in large part of how living life gets in the way of what you dream as to what your life would be. I am not saying to give up on your dreams but life is filled with the unexpected detours and perceived obstacles.

Here’s my story. After I graduated high school, here’s what I dreamed life to be. Graduate college at 22, be married by 24 and have two children by 32, teaching first grade and spending my summers traveling. Then reality set in. I completed my undergraduate degree at almost 24, still not married – hence no children. I completed all but a dissertation towards a Ph.D at almost 26. As an only child with very limited family within a few hours travel even by plane, my small, yet strong family consisted of my parents, a dog and myself. My unexpected detour occurred at one of the peaks of my career when I ended up being a caregiver for my mother after an auto accident and then caring for my father for the last 20 years of his life. Now, I am handling much of the aftermath of his passing by working though the bureaucracy of hospitals, health insurance, banking and other issues, I wonder how my life may have played out in a different scenario as if I continued climbing up the rungs of the ladder. I don’t believe living my life in regrets, I just look back on this and would not have traded what I went through for a career filled with positions of prestige and ultimately more income .

My career started off strong working in child care and summer day camps for the first dozen or so years. With my thirst for growth and knowledge of the YMCA as a whole, I expanded into new roles at the corporate office; trainer for YMCA of the USA and State of Florida in child care and summer day camps; grants/fundraising; contract compliance; information technology; human resources and payroll/benefits. I believe I have proven my worth by versatility and adaptability through not only changes in positions but changes in leadership over my 30 plus years at the YMCA. Much of my success is hidden in the impact of the lives I made through the programs I ran and the grants I’ve written. I’m the faceless name which 1000s of families were impacted by the work I’ve done.

My journey, yes, I do compare my career to a journey, hence the name of my blog, I’ve seen more come and go and less stay for the duration. Those who’ve come and gone over the years are ones, like a flat stone skipping across a flat pond, move smoothly, without missing a beat from one promotion to another. Rather than stone sinking, they move on and often out of the organization. Many are hurriedly promoted through the ranks and are expected to succeed on their own laurels rather than be guided and supported by mentors climbing the rungs of their own careers.

Back to my analogy of the tortoise and the hare …

The tortoise, much like myself, moving slowly and steady through his career and leaving no traces of the path taken and leaving no signs of his presence even after finishing first. The hare’s attention seeking and trailblazing path leaves no doubt in anyone’s mind the hare left his mark and rapidly roars through the ranks. The hare was ready to conquer the next race despite the loss against the tortoise. Left in the hare’s dust, the tortoise crawls past the race path and continues to meander on. The tortoise, continues to be steadfast in his pace as the hare leaves all in his path overturned. Often the tortoise is misunderstood as too nostalgic of years past, although the tradition, purpose and the foundation of what the race is all about what he is all about. 

While the hare hurried through the race he kept his eye on the finish of the race and each subsequent race and the past remained a blur. The hare, though his eyes were set on the win he had not allowed time for his senses to absorb the abundant richness around him. Ultimately, the hare failed in noting the tortoise’s past activities led to his own inherited opportunities which passed the tortoise while life interrupted his career. The bystanders and cheerers may have applauded the tortoise initially upon crossing the finish line, but the ostentatious presence of the hare will keep fresh in the memories of many for years to come. 

As for the tortoise, he may have won the race but in the eyes of many, the hare remains the victorious champion as sometimes life just gets in the way.



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