January 15, 2020
As a child I was often teased, rather bullied by others probably because I differed in interests than most of the boys in my classes as I much sooner would have been outside exploring my world around me than playing team sports than to lesser extent being fatter than most, began getting hairy legs and a deep voice first. I preferred having a good book in my hands than a football and armed with an array of arts and crafts paraphernalia than the sparring equipment from my karate class. Along with all those aforementioned interests, I also was the proverbial model shy child which doubled down the bullying. In today’s society, filled with cell phones with recording capabilities and the posting of everything on social media, I would have been the poster child for the rally cry against bullying. It’s a good thing I grew out of the shyness but I remained introverted, which I am totally accepting okay with, and still much sooner have a good book in my hands than watch most team sports.
My parents always taught me not to ever throw the first firsts, whether a punch or kick or an offensive comment. However; if someone throws one at me, I have every right to defend myself back. This is when the idea of taking karate lessons came about. After all, my parents thought karate lessons will guide me into learning self-defense skills along with self-discipline and help build my self-esteem to defend myself against the bullies. I really did enjoy the karate classes except for the whole concept of doing push-ups or running laps as a punishment for the class as a result of one who chose not to comply with the rules of the dojo. Truly, this was punishment, as I hated both. I participated in a couple tournaments in both sparring and kata (forms) –I was not strong enough to win a coveted trophy but received an obligatory certificate of participation. I managed to continue my karate training until just after I graduated high school and proudly say I made it to half way to black belt, I was a 5th kyu (rank) green belt. A 9th kyu was lowest, a white belt and 1st kyu brown was the highest before becoming a 1st degree black belt. Once I graduated high school and started college and working full-time it became increasingly difficult to keep up with classes and practice. My parents’ investment was worthwhile for I overcame much of my shyness and gained better self-confidence in all that I do and adequate self-defense skills to be able to defend myself.
As I progressed through my adolescent years, my parents along with my mentors continued to remind me of the importance of focusing on my education and doing my best in all that I do. Both my parents always reminded me, should I become a garbage collector, I should be not just a garbage collector but be the best damn garbage collector out there, as they would remain unconditionally proud of me. They taught for me to take pride in all that I do and most importantly remain humble. It was most important to them that I always do my best and take pride in all that I do. I think I was certainly the only one who could come home with a C- in an algebra class and my parents wouldn’t put me under house arrest until my grades picked up, so long as they knew I did my very best. Conversely, if it happened in my other or favorite classes, that was a whole another story. My parents never punished me for low grades in subjects I struggled with, all they asked is for me to put forth a good effort. Had it been that C- grade was in a literature class or history class, I probably would be on a life time of house arrest.
Do you remember pretending to be “adult” by mimicking a particular favorite adult’s mannerisms and behaviors? Children often seek adults for approval, attention, guidance, role models and affection. These help children to develop the various benchmarks of life before they become adults. Throughout my many years of working in child care, I will always recall what a trainer had taught us why many children misbehave.
“Negative attention is better than no attention at all.”
Throughout my high school years, I waged the perpetual battle with my guidance counselor and a couple teachers against a couple teachers and an administrator. The battle was whether or not I was prepared for college material. My parents held teachers to the highest esteem, they were educators and held university degrees. They didn’t think they were any better than them, just better understood the American education system better than they did. When I had my senior exit interview with my guidance counselor, Mrs. Lee and my parents, she reviewed my academic record and noted to my parents, with the exception of a stellar senior year, my grades and courses taken were at best, mediocre. She further made her point by stating the courses I’ve taken did not necessarily prepare me for college level coursework. I remember her looking at me with her eyes hidden behind hideous large eyeglass frames and asking me,
“What do you see yourself doing after you graduate?”
My answer was simple, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher as I loved working with children. I have already worked at the YMCA a few weeks shy of four years by the time my senior year came to a close. She looked at my parents, as if I was not present in the conversation.
“Robert should learn a trade, much like you Mr. Kovacs. We have many diverse vocational technical certifications available throughout the district. He’s bound to find something to peak his interest and be able to be successful with.”
Thanks to the strength of all my positive role models, they instilled nothing is unattainable if I put my mind to it and willing to put in the effort. Much like Pinocchio, our youth become puppets on a string, like marionettes, only made up of real people; wearing outfits of promises and pretenses bestowed upon them by all the adults they come into contact with. For this reason alone, its always important to be a role model when working with our youth.
Once we become an adult, we are often our strongest supporter and also worst critic when it comes to ourselves. No better reason than this, this is we need to do a better job contributing positively towards a youth’s interests and skill development. They too, with proper nurturing will grow in their own time, their own speed and become beautifully a one of a kind creation. I think I helped the adults in my life remember, I was much like Pinocchio, wishing to become a real boy, but for me it was as much my dream to become my own real person and break from the marionette’s strings and not be controlled by a master puppeteer who controls my every move and decision.
My mentors, mostly teachers by now, reminded me in their own right, validating my academic successes as the key to a successful future. I am certain half of the credit is owed to them I know deep down it had to all come from me wanting to make the life changing transformation. I never felt discounted for my interests as my parents helped peak my interests by involvement and support in things I enjoyed by allowing me to be the naturist, the reader and the artist which defined me. The race was not to see who became the first reader, nor the first to memorize math facts as much as it is to cultivate a compassionate generation and break down barriers of hatred and dysfunction. The balance of my parents and teachers throughout my education was instrumental in molding me into who I am today. With the exception of a rare few, the supervisors I worked with over the years became mentors and lifelong friends I know I can still count on anytime. The tools they armed me with facilitated my success in the various positions I’ve held in my 35 plus years at the YMCA. Sadly, the majority of people aren’t blessed as I was to have loving and supportive parents, dedicated and enthusiastic teachers and motivating and appreciative supervisors who are willing to cultivate around an individual’s strengths in character, knowledge, skills and abilities rather than trying to fit the notorious square peg into the round hole. In Jim Collins, book, “Good to Great”, he addresses this as getting the right people in the right seats on the bus.
As I got older, I continue to explore and refine my interests and develop new ones. I may no longer be shy, but I will always remain an introvert. Nevertheless, I much likely explore my outdoor world, have a book in my hands or my arts and craft supplies in near proximity. I have become well rounded in my interests and skills by having a definitive interest in trying new things that don’t require me to weigh any calculated risks to endangering my life. No skydiving, no bungee jumping and no to anything else of such. However; despite my fear of heights, over the years I struggled to conquer it, by walking over the Hoover Dam, going to the observation decks of the Stratosphere, CN Tower, Empire State Building, Sears Towers and even walked to the ledge of the Grand Canyon and Mendenhall Glacier.
I believe all this was possible since the aforementioned individuals spent their priceless time to strengthen my weaknesses by raising me to an acceptable performance level while keeping me moving forward with challenging opportunities to keep my attention focused on things I enjoyed and excelled at, while at the same time building up my self-confidence. I may never throw a perfect spiral with a football with these hands but I have developed a gift of my own, typing out my thoughts, out as seamlessly as a flowing river. I will close out, Eve Merriam’s poem “Lazy Thought” which I borrowed my favorite line as my title and to remind all of us when working with youth, each are unique as the individual they were born to be.
LAZY THOUGHT There go the grownups To the office, To the store. Subway rush, Traffic crush; Hurry, scurry, Worry, flurry. No wonder Grown ups Don’t grow up Any more. It takes a lot Of slow To grow.  |
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