JUST ANOTHER SALE FOR THE USED CAR SALESPERSON

My Dad often called getting old, not the “golden years” but the “rusting years” as everything begins to get older, rustier and eventually falls apart.  As I was rapidly approaching my 50^th birthday, I began to notice some wear and tear on my own frame.  I didn’t think much of it until I need to have knee surgery for a double-torn meniscus with some arthritic bone debris.  The pain at first was nothing but an interference into my activities; I may have felt a little tightness from minor exertion during my workout or a longer than usual walk.  Within an hour or two and a couple pain relievers, everything was fine.  As time passed, the pain became progressively unbearable.  I would wake up in the middle of the night in pain just from my knee rubbing against the other knee or if I put any amount of weight on it.  After less than an hour of surgery, I was able to stand and put full weight on it without pain and was able to sleep through most of the night without any major interruptions. 

 

After much procrastination and dwelling, I finally decided to replace my mattress.  I had my current mattress for at least eight years, perhaps more, it’s just not one of those things I really never gave a second thought on having to replace.  Only when the mattress no longer provided me comfort for my aching frame, I decided it’s time to retire the old and bring on the new.  Over the past year, I walked out of more stores than I want to remember when the salesperson pretentiously knew exactly what I needed, like a predator on his first prey after a long winter hibernation.  If the salesperson’s impression of what is perfect for me is based on his assumptions on what he saw when I walked in, they didn’t deserve my business … and we all know what assume means.  It was not even the money I was about to spend, scaring me away as much as the salespersons who tried upselling  everything by convincing of the must haves on this year’s model and without fail managed to squeeze in the must haves of the fully loaded extras.  I think this process went on close to a year but seemed like more before I finally had to give in as prey to one of these predators.             

 

As things began to open up from the COVID-19 pandemic, along with a friend we ventured out on a Saturday rendezvous to get out of the house a bit.  I coerced him to come with me to the mattress store, he unwillingly obliged, much like taking a beloved pet to the veterinarian for their annual vaccines.  We pulled into the parking lot, took a couple deep breathes before going up to the door and walking in.  The salesperson appeared to anticipate our arrival and welcomed us to their showroom (what you and I call a mattress store).  I  was nervously happy to get the older dapper salesperson thinking he may not be as aggressive to make the sale than the younger preppy one.    

 

The salesperson began interrogate me on what seemed like a round of 101 questions, mattress store style.  He showed me high end, middle range and low end in price and quality and let me pick what was good for me, by the end, he let me take my time trying out the ones I liked.  Never did he rush me, but while trying to get comfortable, he mentioned the pros and cons of each of the five mattresses I considered.  Little did he know, I already narrowed it down to three of them and I just wanted to try out which was the best fit for me.  The one I picked was high middle in price and came with an adjustable base.  This may ease some of my pains I get.  The only thing I can’t get over is how tall today’s mattresses are what a chore it will be to put on a fitted pad and fitted sheets!   Just never thought mattresses required more thoughts and decisions than plush, medium, firm.  

 

So here’s some of the questions he threw at me…  

 

My price range – don’t remember the breakouts but do I want cheaper, middle ground or expensive – or as he stated what make do I want: a Yugo, Honda, Cadillac, Mercedes or Rolls Royce.  He basically told me to toss the Yugo and Rolls Royce.  He said the Yugo won’t last nor will it offer any relief but to my wallet and the Rolls Royce has more features on it that you will never past the showroom.  

 

Let's get down to the model and trim.  For my model, I asked would I want latex, memory foam, cooling gel, hybrid, coil, combo and for the trim do I prefer luxury plush, plush, medium, medium firm, firm and extra firm.  He had spent time explaining all in detail and again shared the pros and cons of each one.  Then he proceeded with additional options, like optional equipment on my car.  How thick do I want the mattress and what I want for the topping and what do I have for as a base.  For topping, my choices were pillow top, quilted top, gel top, flattop, smooth top and for the bottom its boxspring, platform, slatts, or foam bottom or ground.  I wanted standard thickness, which mind you is probably one and half times the height of my current mattress, topping smooth top and on a platform.  I kept my choices to accommodate my current situation to avoid any additional increase in costs and time in the showroom.  By this point, I was getting restless and ready to leave and I am confident my friend was already wishing he never came along.    

 

After almost spending what seemed like all of my Saturday there, the salesperson acknowledged we were winding down our time together but he needs to know my package preference and delivery options.  The package would what’s included with the mattress purchase.  My choice was basic, essentials, comfort and royal.  I had to select one looking at a grid showing what’s included in each package.  The basic just included either a mattress cover or a couple of pillows to the platinum includes everything from the preceding lists.  I opted to stay with the complimentary basic package and chose the two pillows.  Delivery also had four options: free, bronze, silver, gold or platinum.  Living on the third floor of a condominium coupled with my lack of handyman skills, I chose the platinum package.  This included removal of the old mattress, set up of the adjustable base, placing the mattress on the adjustable base and making sure everything is working as expected. 

 

There is no wonder I really kept postponing this shopping trip, it was probably worse than buying a car. With the salesperson watching me, I just layed prone, he continued to tell me more unnecessary details about the mattress in a monotone voice which just about put me to sleep.  This is when I hope I made the right decision which will last me for at least five years.  Although it was the last thing I wanted to do on my weekend but glad it’s done and hope my five to fifteen minute romp on the floor demo, hope they remove the old as promised, deliver the new and set up the adjustable base on my platform without causing too much second thoughts if I made the right choice at the right time.  I leave you to return to your regularly scheduled Saturday programming … oh… as for the woman in picture … wife/girlfriend not included.

 

 

 

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