In golf, a mulligan in simple terms, allows a player, a second chance to replay a bad round over again, or as a child would exclaim, “do over” when they feel cheated on their turn. Throughout our academic years we were taught lessons, tested afterwards on comprehension of content, ability to analyze and the ability to discuss discerning facts. Upon embarking on adulthood and our careers, we soon realize the opposite holds true. It no longer is about whether or not we pass or fail the test, but what lessons were learned from the test.
I often feel life tests me more often than others because I am a social introvert. Yes, believe it or not, I am a social introvert. Please don’t mistake me as being shy or overly nervous or the one who is cautious around people whom I am unfamiliar with. I tend to be the one who focuses more on my own internal thoughts, my own feelings and my own moods rather than requiring others to bring out the aforementioned in me. Conceivably, this is probably why I enjoy writing as much as I do, it allows me full cathartic introspection of my own life.
“Look at me! Look what I did! Look at me!”
I do not go around wishing to be the center of attention regardless of reason. I definitely do not go around vainly attention seeking, I’d much sooner crawl under the nearest piece of furniture until all the excitement diminishes and I can back to doing what I was doing before the excitement began.
“What a good job you have done!”
On the same talking point, I don’t go around seeking to have the laser focused eyes of an audience on me nor made an example of, which I may have done or inherited. Unlike others, I do not parade around and seek affirmations or acknowledgements. I guess you can say, I’m somewhat like a smartphone. I can connect in social situations on many levels but with time my batteries begin to drain, then I will eventually need to recharge before being picked up again.
When something fails for the attention seeker, they will hurry to be the first to shun away and quickly divert it, usually to someone like me. Those reserved, even keel, much like myself, bear the brunt of failure and have little or no choice but to “suck it up.” I’ve accepted more than my fair share of failure, handling difficult or unpleasant situations while others continued to remain the favored one; by both leadership and my peers. This was one of life’s lessons which took me a long time to learn, and not allow myself to be blamed and stand up for myself. I learned to reflect the blame and channel it back to exactly where it began. Along with an intentional “No!” without an expeditious explanation of the why, were both hard learned lessons. They both continue to take plenty of intestinal fortitude for me to stand up to those who dodge pending disaster. It becomes increasingly more difficult to stand my ground when it all comes from a higher pecking order. I am getting better at both standing my ground and saying “No”, yet far from perfecting it. In spite of it all, my character traits of resilience and tenacity tied with a fierce sense of loyalty, passion and honesty keep my disposition balanced. As a social introvert, I do like to beat to my own drum and am continually challenged daily to apply it to the way I lead my adult life.
My loyalty, passion and honesty have proven this as both an asset and a detriment in my 30 plus years with the same organization on the same local level despite going through more than two handfuls of position changes, multiple top leadership changes and two mergers. In my current position, my numerous nuances have allowed me to navigate through a rapidly changing field of policies and procedures as well as quickly grasp new responsibilities and routines which only would be complicated if I had to supervise staff and complete the tasks I am expected to do. My persnickety personality often finds the overlooked details and fatal flaws often overlooked by those hurrying to get a task finished and focusing on the larger picture of the project, than the detailed minutia of keeping it all together.
With years of experience behind me, I attained my drive for perfection almost to an obsessed-compulsive level. I believe this provides me an interesting career outlook in that I have no desire to supervise employees. Not even one employee, even if they paralleled my behaviors. My persnickety personality and numerous nuances which made me into who I am leaves little room for me to share my realm. I guess this is why I still haven’t gotten married yet – that’s a whole other story. At this stage in my career, I am content reporting to a supervisor who over time tries to get to know me and takes what others may have said of me at face value and doesn’t add another chapter to their opinions of me. He offered me an opportunity which allowed my creativity to produce standard operating procedures for my department, allows flexibility to my job within my parameters and trusts my time management skills and sensitive judgment calls. Best of all he understands I’m best supervised by not being a helicopter hovering over me, but allows me to take ownership of my own work.
Tonight, as the sunsets, I will have closed Chapter 48 and with each trip around the sun, I have not only grown older, but gained valuable insight in life and found it is not about me as much as it is the impact I leave behind. I am fortunate to have lived my life as close to being a non-Generation X’er by not being pigeonholed into the conformity of behavior expectations and retain much of previous generations’ characteristics. I am comforted by the continuous sounds of my beating to my own drum and how I would never be drowned out to the hum of the same old tune. Ironically, as I celebrate my birthday with a round of miniature golf, I come to realize I’d much sooner take a mulligan, doing it all over again without reservation than to celebrate each feather in my cap as a hole in one and step further away from my own mission and purpose.
