50 THOUGHTS OF BECOMING A QUINQUAGENARIAN

The day finally arrived, I can stop fretting about turning 50 and accept that I am 50. It’s not the that I have become 50, but I really didn’t expect it to arrive as quickly as it did. It only seemed like yesterday, I walked the stage for my high school graduation. There are so many things I remember so clearly as if it were only yesterday. However, as I stated in a previous post, much of its blur like fast forwarding a VCR tape while pressing play.

50 lessons and thoughts of being 50…with no specific order of importance, just wrote them as they came to my head as I reflected on my birthday morning while still stirring in bed.

01 - A college education is overrated – most every position I held in my career, I either self-taught or was able to learn on the job or from others. The college degree just helped unlock the door, I still had to still open and walk through the door.

02 - I earned every bald spot and every gray hair. I earned them from experiencing life, while each wrinkle was the moment I survived one of those harassing hurdles.

03 - My parents were always my loudest cheerleader, it’s a shame as a teenager I felt they were always nagging me for something I did wrong or didn’t do, what I didn’t know is they wanted me have a better life than they did. I am certain now, I done them proud.

04 - I know who my closest friends are and know the ones who I can trust with my life and everything in it, those who I should be keep at a safe distance and those I know I have to let go and fade peacefully away without much fanfare.

05 - I have begun to put my needs and wants first before others. I have to realize I come first then my family then everyone and everything else. One way or another, all will fall into place but I won’t have a second family or second chance of taking care of me.

06 - I had no choice in style, type, color or brand of genes filling my closet. The game of hereditary is something we all fight throughout our life and especially as we get older. Rather take a health setback with DABDA, I’d rather accept it, fight to keep the demon away or knock it out of my life entirely.

07 - Being rich has nothing to do with material things and the size of my bank account. The countless items making me rich never included the things I own nor the things I was able to buy with my credit card. It was who I chose to include and experience life with and the ones who I can enjoy an intimate conversation.

08 -  The best gift given to me was the experiences I had in my travels and the people I am blessed to have in my life. This has brought me the most joy in my life.

09 - I’m ok having my relationship with God on an individual basis. I realized rather young that I don’t need to go to church to believe in God. My faith is spiritual not evangelical.

10 - I thank God every day for another day. Each day is a new gift waiting to be opened.

11 - I have to remember to breathe. Its not an optional activity. Breathe.

12 - Remember the poem, “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten” and then try to translate into as what a better world it would be if we all followed these simple rules to live by. I embrace change but do believe simpler is truly better. Why complicate matters when KISS holds true in everything.

13 - I know myself better than anyone else. The opinions, the suggestions and the ideas others have are purely recommendations not an obligation for me to fulfill.

14 - I try to find a positive spin on everything – because there is a positive spin in everything.

15 - Always keep that inner child alive – including visits to Magic Kingdom, collecting all things Curious George and playing with my LEGO sets. Once you forget that inner child, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny disappear as does the magic of holidays. The inner child will always keep you smiling as times get tough and keep others around you in wonder.

16 - Life does go by really, really fast. Taken from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, “Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

17 - Be present. No explanation necessary.

18 - It’s OK to say “No.” I don’t owe anybody an explanation. Even though I may always interject ways to rationalize and explain my reasoning, I really don’t have to do this. I really need to learn to stop explaining.

19 - Laugh and smile every day. If I make a mistake, fall down, or do something dumb, I just laugh it off or if I don’t remember something, I try not to dwell on it, but smile and move onward. Fail is as someone told me First Attempt In Life. Dust off and try it again or try something else.

20 - Change is the only consistent constant in this so called life.

21 - Always better an hour early than a minute late.

22 - I always tell the truth because you won’t have to keep up with your stories. This way I don’t have to remember lies. I was never good at lying even as a child.

23 - Can’t is a 4 letter word – prove them wrong!

24 - Being alone is awesome… and is NOT the same thing as being lonely.

25 - I am an introvert – I am not shy. They are not the synonymous.

26 - I own no regrets of could have, should have or would have.

27 - It’s a matter of perspective. Climbing down the mountain of life gives me a different view but just as beautiful as the view I had climbing up the mountain.

28 - The distance between 18 and 30 is greater than the distance between 21 and 50. Think about it, before you do the math.

29 - My silence speaks louder than words when I am angry, frustrated or just not in a good mood.

30 - I am rather even keel, often told I have as much personality as a stale fig newton, as I usually don’t sway to many extremes with my feelings, my emotions or my moods.

31 - I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than be devastatingly disappointed.

32 - Friends that allow you to pick up from where you last left, regardless of how long it’s been since you last talked or visited are the sacred friendships which last a lifetime.

33 - I realize I have a family made up of my closest friends who have taken me in as their brother, their son and their grandson. With that being said, “I love you for you being you and you being part of my journey in my life.”

34 - I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. Again, think about it before you do the math.

35 - I am still your friend when we don’t agree with each other’s opinions. Equally, I don’t have to agree with your opinions to be your friend.

36 - When I make fun of you, it is because I took time to think up of something to make fun of you with and share it with you, because it’s my strange way of showing you I care about you and you are my friend. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t waste my breath or energy to do something so ludicrous.

37 - It’s expensive to be my friend. You have to earn my respect, pay attention, show me common interests and invest in my conversations and not discount me for my faults. In return, I know my worth and I pay back the same dividends, and believe my return over time is greater than the original investment.

38 - I hate to be the center of attention, I learned to accept being sincerely appreciated and recognized by others. I’d much sooner become one with the curtains or crawl under the nearest table and hide until the excitement of recognition is clearly over.

39 - When it comes to politics, I maybe for the right person who is left or be the one left for the right idea. I take my right and responsibility to vote seriously and take time to know my own position on topics of interest to me and then see who coincides closest to my beliefs.

40 - Take pride in all that you do as it’s a reflection of your parents, educators and mentors who imprinted character on your soul. It’s my job to make them look good and their time with me was a worthwhile investment.

41 - Each morning, I strive to be better than my yesterday. It doesn’t always happen, but I strive to do so. I like how the positive energy begins my day.

42 - After a solid workout with my personal trainer, I know must have grown new muscles and new bones, as I hurt in places I never I could hurt. I have this love-hate relationship with each and every one of my personal trainers I’ve had over the years because of this.

43 - I had an excellent childhood, awesome adolescence and so far for the most part an amazing adulthood. However; no one can convince me otherwise but being an only child, from a small family and single will always suck.

44 - Age is a number. That number only counts the number of laps I circled what on earth we call the sun. There are days I feel like I am still in my teens other days I feel as I have aged 100 years in a day. However; that number tells me my days are finite as I see with each high school reunion a few less than the one 10 years before.

45 - I will either enjoy or suffer the consequences of my choices in life. I weight options out every chance I get and then choose carefully.

46 - I want to take time to learn something new every year as I never want to stop learning.

47 - I like to beat to my own drum and definitely resent it when someone tells me I am stubborn and not open-minded. I’d rather say I have perseverance and tenacity to go after what I believe is right for me without easily throwing in the white flag.

48 - The words of my favorite the poems, “Footprints”, “If” and “Desiderata” all strongly resonate with my journey in life.

49 - Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

50 - Although I am on a trip of a lifetime with an ultimate destination, I chose to enjoy the journey of getting there. The destination may or may not be what I expect or anticipate. According to Steve Jobs, “Journey is the reward.”

Our human brains have a thing for lists, it adds order, structure to our lives and keeps us focused in a world of chaos. Although, life gets in the way of living, I’ve been dealt a pretty decent deck of cards. I’ll make the most of my day and live my life as life truly begins at 50!

I’M OFTEN BETTER WRITTEN THAN SPOKEN

I knew today was coming, it was later, not sooner, this time around. The introvert in me, hates all the small talk and acknowledgements and even worse being placed into the center of attention at our all-staff rallies. Just for some clarification our CEO refers to our staff rally as an all-staff meeting. Most recently this wording is misleading as only full-time exempt staff are invited and in attendance. This leaves me saddened to think the backbone of our association is left behind to mind the house while the others get out of their routines for a part of the day to enjoy some fellowship and recognition. I strongly feel they deserve to be recognized and partake in the meeting and the team building activities which often come with the day’s events. Today’s event was held at TopGolf, sort of like the concept of mini-golf but without the obstacles but you scored by where your ball lands within one of the rings. It looks rather entertaining, but my fear of heights prohibited me to even come close enough to the playing line.

The rally often starts off with a breakfast, a few rounds of welcoming words, recognizing staff for their years of service and then on to news of promotions, new hires, exciting events, innovative programs and the numbers measuring our community impact in different ways. The finale is an activity to bring team building and some corporate bonding amongst the staff. As I walk in the door, I am checked in and then I find some familiar faces to mingle with. When it’s time to take our seats, more often than not, I opt to sit with staff from family centers I do not get to visit often or with newer staff members and hear their stories. However; most usually huddle together within their own family centers or other kindred groupings. As I watched for more seats to fill, I stared out to the seats already occupied. I see many more unknown faces than familiar ones. The empty chairs remind me of the past faces who moved on from our YMCA association and slowly filling in with newly hired, excited nameless faces. Most of these individuals didn’t quite know what they are getting themselves into when accepting the job offer on how staff rallies have become nothing more than listening to an annually repeated story of changing numbers, statistics, names and faces than cultivating loyalty and cohesive staff teams.

As soon as I knew it was that time of the year again, in which we recognize milestone years of service, I felt like crawling under the nearest table. I get this feeling anytime I know I would be thrown into the center of attention. I knew my name would be called and I’d have to go up to receive my award, I realized I reached this pinnacle again way before today’s event. I think those planning the event, knew of my hidden desire to hide under the nearest table because the modesty tablecloth was securely tied around the table with an elastic band. The recognition begins with recognizing staff for their years of service; starting in increments of 5 years. With each passing increment, those being called to be congratulated by the CEO and receive their award noticeably diminishes. Next thing I knew, I am the only one being called up, not necessarily by my years of service but by my name. I barely heard my name being called out since it was nearly drowned out by all the cheering and clapping as I walked up to the podium. I graciously accepted my award, received a double high five and hug from our CEO and then was pointed to watch one of the multiple televisions. The team had put together a video of my colleagues congratulating me, impersonating a day in my world of payroll and all preceded with a Curious George theme.

Those who know me, correction know me better than most, fully comprehend my childish obsession liking to all things Curious George. But I digress, another story, another time. The short video touched me and had me a loss for words. It was then the CEO’s perfect timing to pass me the microphone and ask me to share a few words of my journey. I anticipated this coming but being the situation presented itself in a different dynamic, it truly caught me off guard. My colleagues said my words, were cordial and appreciative without any pretenses and I spoke with my heart. Much better my emotional heart spoke than my analytical brain. I guess I had more red on my face, not because I have ripened, but from the awkwardness of being singled out and the one being celebrated for my years of service.

It’s not the 35 years I’ve been at the Y, nor it’s not the I’ll be turning 50 next month that had me all choked up when I was called up to get my award. It was the fact I am in amazement of where the hell did all the years go and seeing how many in the audience were not quite old enough to be even participate in my preschool programs back then. It was what seemed like yesterday I was finishing up the coursework of post-graduate classes and I was writing grants for our child care and summer camp programs. My years quickly flashed before my eyes, much like fast forwarding a VHS tape while still in play mode, I was able to pick out certain parts of my career quite clearly, but others were nothing but a blur. Long before “Survivor”, the TV show, there was a popular board game called “Survivor.” The ultimate goal was be the one with the last marble on the board and victoriously state “I'm the sole survivor!” Like the commercial, this simple, marble dropping game popular during my childhood was much like my career, each move carefully and intentionally chosen with hopes the right choice was made to survive another turn. As I look around the room one more time, I indeed have become that sole survivor, by willing to be challenged with positions out of my comfort zone, remaining humble and ever grateful. With pride I can easily say my dedication, professionalism and loyalty maybe one of past generations, but I can say without a doubt, I was the longest lasting pillar of the former YMCA of Broward County and now I help build the future for the YMCA of South Florida.

When I got home that evening, I further reminisced over the years, I remembered so many of those who joined me along my journey and left their footprints along my side. Along the way, I met some of my greatest lifelong friends spread near and far - I know they’ll always be there for me as I would for them. Throughout my journey, I found stories of skeletons, dust bunnies and cobwebs as common as the beauty of crepuscular rays of sunshine, rain-showers of tears shed and several turbulent storms of emotions. It has been a journey, despite it all I’ve been through, I would not change it for the world. I’ve had more jobs and experiences than one could imagine. Perhaps, when my next milestone comes up and we have another one of these staff rallies in November 2024, I’ll bring this part of my journey to a close, by announcing my retirement. Then again, maybe I won’t – I have yet to write this chapter as I have not crossed this path. Whenever my time comes to retire, I hope to leave just as quietly as I came, with a shade of red, only seen by others as a sign of my disliking being the center of attention and not that I have ripened, as I will always remain mostly green as I will not have stopped growing.

 

REAP WHAT YOU SOW

This past week, Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis shared his recommendation to bring the minimum salary of a public school teacher to $47,500 in his 2020 budget proposal. The present average starting pay for a teacher in the state is $37,636, which the National Education Association says ranks 26th in the nation. I have been advocate of teachers at all levels; from early childhood to high school, I value our educators tremendously. Without teachers, our academic foundation of learning multiple subjects, social skills and exposure to understanding the world outside of our own, is at best nonexistent but more often absent. From my preschool through my graduate school years, I personally was blessed with more than my fair share of great public school educators. Their excitement and passion of their knowledge and teaching was contagious and made learning fun. This, blog of mine; memorialized two of my top teachers who recently passed away. Both left a huge footprint on who I am today. I applaud our Governor in taking the step to move our beginning public school teacher salaries higher. This is a good start despite the vocal opposition of those who have been part of the school system for much of their professional careers.

Teachers will never be paid enough in my book. They are the most important adults in a child’s life to help build foundations of a good life. Second only to a set of good parents - and considering many children don’t even have that - teachers take on this role. It was not your choice to devote your life to teaching, but it was a higher calling, a gift you have that very few have. Like those in the nonprofit community, your position will never be fully valued in your paycheck. During the Covid-19 pandemic outbreak, most everyone was in panic, what will happen to our youth. The educators and nonprofit leaders ability to adapt lessons and activities to a new, unprecedented virtual model literally overnight exemplified the professionalism and devotion each of had for the youths in schools and those served by nonprofit agencies. Together, they made sure learning and activities would be available and continue albeit differently.

When others say teachers have it easy with all the holidays, vacations and half days, I am one remind those not in the field of education of the countless hours of grading papers, creating lesson plans and preparing for the next day. The go beyond the hours of a typical school day. Many of those in the nonprofit sector carry the jobs of two people and work additional hours on site or take work home with them as well. The only difference is summer, teachers are often given a much needed break and can free themselves to take on a summer job, travel somewhere out of the US for more than a week or two’s time without coming back to chaos or just simply have some down time. Nonprofit leaders are often have very little time to transition from one season to the next, they make seasonal transitions appear seamless to the community.

I am saddened, hearing so many teachers who still cry it’s not enough and those with tenure in years will have a smaller gap in their salary to a beginning teacher. I fully understand tenured teachers being upset with new teachers starting at salaries closer to what took them their entire careers to achieve. The occurrence of new employees coming in at higher salaries than the loyal employees with tenure employees who chose to remain with an organization is prevalent in both the social service and nonprofit sectors. This sore thumbing phenomenon continues to be an issue as organizations struggle in moving the salary minimums higher to attract new, fresh employees. Often they fail, by either unwilling or unable to pay the existing workforce the increases on top of merits, to keep them competitive in salary of the new employees. It is often demoralizing for the existing employees to remain loyal when a newly hired employee’s starting salary is near or surpasses the current salary of existing employees, which took their careers to build up to.

I too, am the one with tenure in years, as I start seeing new employees in same pay grade making salaries close to my own or some even more I can choose to be bitter and call foul, but it would all fall on deaf ears. For most of my 35 years in the nonprofit sector, I saw years without any raises, for full year’s work compared to starting teacher with summers off. How about the building better communities for all and putting on a brave smile when you were just told there will be no raises, since finances are getting tight and funding is being cut. In my many years in the nonprofit sector, there were times as professional staff we have taken pay cuts to save the organization from folding and saw more years without raises than raises exceeding 2%. I’ve seen with this pandemic many of my co-workers who are like family not recalled from furlough that I’ve known 10, 15 and even over 25 years. I personally endured forced pay cuts and job changes to stay with the organization, as I wasn’t in a position to job search or relocate due to being a caretaker for either one of my parents at one time or another. I was not prepared to learn a new position, adapt to a new culture or take time to understand a new boss, who in turn hasn’t gotten to know me either. It was to my advantage to stay within my comfort zone and either take on lateral promotions with little or no increase in salaries.

My point is you can look at it as our governor hasn’t done enough or instead of criticizing our governor, perhaps we need to see he is the first one who has started the ball rolling and maybe made this generation of teachers the catalyst for change. It’s not until teachers become valued by others, the position will never be competitive in pay. I find it bewildering, to think as nation, the lack of outrage of paying celebrities and athletes such obscene extraordinary wages doesn’t cause these same people to speak up about this. I am left to assume they think it is acceptable to pay someone an annual $25M contract for what amounts to nothing but a gig or game compared to those individuals building the foundations of our next generation or building a better community for all of us.

This is the time to use your unions and large numbers in educating our communities and leaders of the importance of teachers. Tenured teachers may not benefit by these increases as much as they hoped, but the teachers coming in are seeing change and hopefully one which will continue. Remember, perception is reality and if you complain about it - many will look at it as you didn’t appreciate even the little increases received and start the undervaluing by looking at how easy teachers have it with weekends off, loads of days off, work six hour days and get eight weeks of summer vacation etc. People don’t see what they don’t see, the countless hours grading papers, reading papers, preparing lessons and trying to find ways to make 25 students engaged in a lesson you do for 4 hours or more for 180 days a year.

Unlike the public sector, nonprofits struggle to be mission relevant and keep up with salaries. The latter becomes problematic when a full time entry level manager starts at $35,000 to $40,000 with similar educational backgrounds as of a teacher. As the demands of the job continually increase, bar of expectations rise and threshold of work-life balance diminishes, the nonprofit faces a continued revolving door of turnover. Even worse are the salaries of early childhood educators who teach the social and school readiness to the youngest children are with them 9 or more hours a day – year round often earn less than half of elementary school teachers and nonprofit leaders and have very minimal benefits but often hold the same education credentials.

In many ways public school teachers are fortunate. Most working outside of the public sector and a very few select for companies and organizations currently provide employees benefits of cost of living adjustments (aka COLA), paid holidays off, tenure or years of service bonus and salary adjustments to remain competitive. Too often this hidden paycheck, or the total compensation package of their position is forgotten about when talking salaries. This hidden paycheck often includes the costs of employer subsidized health insurance, pensions, paid time off and other employer paid benefits. This contributes to an entire package, not just the take pay taken home each pay day.

Ask family and friends in other fields and the realization how many pay more out of pocket for these benefits or lack them all together. Many employers have reduced or even eliminated pension plans, health care and some don’t even get paid time off. Imagine what it would be like if all these deductions would be taken off your paycheck. Almost daily, news reports of corporate America continuing to cut employer sponsored pension and/or health benefits and reducing annual increases for the line employees. Yet, high level executives get astronomical bonuses for saving the company or even worse receive a golden parachute upon separating employment from a company.

I realize over the years, educators are often paying more out of pocket for classroom necessities to provide the best possible learning environment for their students. Nonprofit leaders too, put in their own dollars but continually work long workdays during the week with countless hours on weekends. What nonprofit leaders show is their passion for their work is just as strong as the educator and they too work hard to get meaningless praise, but do it, to get the job done. In my case, my entire organization of 2000 plus people count on me to do my job without fail every two weeks and to do it without fail. I have asked more times than I care to say, for the need of a part-time person to be hired to support and assist, me, the one person payroll department. I am continually reminded there are no funds in the budget to hire a PT person despite seeing high level positions continually being hired and seeing new college graduates starting with salaries nearing mine and all I get is an increased workload with new regulations, new laws and the growth of the organization which I must keep up with.

Have you heard the expression, “they’re not in it for the income, they’re in it for the outcome?” Society expects both educators and nonprofit leaders to earn less than corporate America because we aren’t in it for the money, but reality is we, too have bills to pay. Then there is the whole other argument of how health insurance policies continue to cover less while premiums and copayments continue to escalate. As adults many of us weren’t taught financial responsibility by either our parents or in our schooling. Staying within budget, how to buy a home or car, understand simple investing and saving, emergency reserves etc are financial responsibility often learned by trial and error and often for most create financial hardship. If most took as much responsibility to learn the basics of financial responsibility, as they do spending their time planning vacations, unforeseen events would not create such a financial burden.

Employees, much like myself, usually are qualified to find work elsewhere and could make better salaries but for varied reasons, remain with our organizations, to keep rooted and grounded in the familiar. For this reason, the turnover continues to be a steadfast problem of retaining loyal employees. I am not sure if the lack of appreciation shown for my 35 years of service demonstrated a lack of my employer’s ability to recognize and appreciate loyalty or was just innocently forgotten. Even though I do not like being the center of attention, a private personal acknowledgement would have been appreciated and would have been the right thing to do. In today’s job scene it appears the only way to increase yours alary is to move up in rank within the organization or to move on from the organization.

I guess for some, the lawn always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Maybe, it’s time to cultivate a garden with various colorful flowers to bring joy to what you may be missing out by only seeing your neighbor’s greener grass. Or in the end, you may realize you are left with nothing but many more complex questions with no simple answers.

Rant over, back to your regularly scheduled programming…