December 16, 2020

CHAPTER 51… THE NEXT HALF OF MY LIFE

Even though, not every December birthday has become an entry into my blog, it has always been the opening of a new chapter of my journey. As I open Chapter 51, I smell the paper of a clean page slating to begin my 51st trip around our sun. I look back in amazement and still wonder where all the years dissolved to, as it seems like only yesterday many of us were in classes together in high school and a few of you I’ve known since my elementary school years in Wayne, MI and then there are those of you who were my extended family at our cottage in Muskoka, Ontario and I never knew a day without you being part of it. I am marking this to be a year filled with reflection on my perseverance, unwavering resolve, gratitude for all I have and appreciation of those in my life.

At my last look on my cell phone at 11:00pm last night, over 300 individual reached out to me either through Facebook posts, phone calls, texts and e-mails too, all wishing me a happy birthday. I want to thank everyone for your birthday wishes. Each birthday wish and every one brought back some memory - or more than one memory. I am blessed to have you all part of my journey on this spaceship we call, Earth. I may not pickup the phone enough to call each of you regularly or even semi-regularly. We may not have always agreed on certain conversations but I know we can say we took time to hear each other and be respectful to each other’s views at the same time. It appears every time when we do get to talk with each other, not only am I ever so grateful we did, but surprisingly, we are able to pick-up exactly where we left off, without skipping a beat.

Those closest to me, already know 2019 was not one of my better years for all that I went through with several surgeries, the great flood in my condo and some other taxing issues. When 2020 rolled around and Covid took over the world, I prociaimed Covid became the cherry on my ice cream sundae. A couple weeks into the fresh new year 2020, I unexpectedly had to help my Li’l Girl, KC cross over the rainbow bridge at almost 19 and still feeling the painful loss almost a year later. The better part of the year was when my Dad’s brother’s (my uncle) oldest son and his wife and teenage sons came to visit Mom and I. This was there first time traveling to the US, never mind Florida and for the most part, I really enjoyed getting to know a part of my family and playing tour guide despite my horrific Hungarian communication skills. I met this cousin 30 years ago in Siofok, Hungary when he drove my Mom and I, along with his Dad around the Lake Balaton. This was the first and only time I met him and his brother and my Dad’s brother and sister in law, along with the majority of both my Dad and Mom’s families of which they too, have not seen since they left Hungary many years prior.

Notwithstanding the pandemic of 2020, I am a firm believer it pays to be positive, because everything has a positive spin. My teachers would comment on progress reports, “Robert’s strength…”, “Robert is flexible…”, “Robert is determined…”, “Robert’s drive to succeed...” which later came from one of my favorite supervisor’s annual review used the words of “resilience and tenacity as being hallmarks of his character which is rarely scene in today’s generation.” This was often tied together with words of require redirection or words of areas I needed to improve, but as I like to say, another story for another post. Over the years, this continues to remain my trademark signature of character not only in my career but in my life as a whole. Often these positive words helped me get through the toughest times of my life; but it has definitely been beneficial through this recent pandemic and taught me lessons which put a positive spin on the pandemic. In light of the not using the many clichés for the Covid-19 pandemic times, I want to share what we took for granted prior to 2020 and the positive lessons to take away.

· We missed our hugging and kissing our friends and families upon greeting them, how about we don’t forget the importance of the human touch and how it was missed and not to be taken for granted ever again.

· Our lives were often hurried March 15 2020, often not having time to do much of anything beyond work and chores at home, I hope we learned to take time to catch up on a phone call to a distant friend, start a new hobby and maybe learn something new.

· Many of us complained about long work days and thought our jobs were indispensable, but if you are still employed and having a paycheck your lucky otherwise you found a new way to provide and survive and we learned to take take a deep breath and enjoy those moments where you have nothing pressing to do.

The lessons learned over the past months, prioritize your priorities, adopt and adapt to change and become better human beings by being respectful of others who may differ from you in opinion, values and beliefs and ultimately we survived.

I know, I know, I was long winded and filled with grammatical taboos, but by now you know my journey is my story and it wouldn’t be the same with just a simple “thank you.” On my closing, may your holiday season be filled with joy of family and friends and the New Year 2021 be with filled with attainable resolutions and prosperity. Most importantly may it be filled with bountiful gratitude and genuine appreciation for what we have in our lives and take time to hear the reply after a “hello - how are you?” and welcome the gradual returning of the human touch.

 



 

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November 24, 2020

A DIVIDED GRADIENT OF BRIGHT RED AND PRUSSIAN BLUE

November 24, 2020

Dear President-Elect Biden:

Three weeks ago, when I went to bed on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, I was confident President Trump had succeeded in securing a second term. The states remaining in question appeared to be leaning towards the Republicans. There was no reason to believe these states would change overnight to favor the Democrats. President Trump actively campaigned with huge turnouts and to the much chagrin of our expert, did not follow pandemic safety guidelines. Let’s face it, Mr. Biden you hid in sheltered headquarters, your basement for much of the campaign season and did very intentional, limited interviews and further limited access rallies where numbers participating where limited due to pandemic concerns. I get it, with the pandemic – safety first – masks on, socially distancing from others etc., as we all must do our part to get the explosive numbers under control.

Although the numbers are in your favor, my opinion, is we will never really know who won the election as my belief is the American people lost the election. If you win, after days of receiving more ballots, the integrity of his election and our electoral process will forever be questioned by half of the country. If President Trump wins by going to the Supreme Court, preventing voter padding, his election will forever be questioned by half the country. Either way, our country will remain divided for another four years. I believe the political underground, over the past four years was already making headway on how to destroy the election processes to ensure the Democrat party will prevail. I am not talking about outside interference by Russia or any other country, but our own politician’s desire for political parties to be filled with selfishness and greed. In your speech you called for “a time to build, a time to reap and a time to sow. And a time to heal. This is the time to heal in America.” I see nothing but another four years of pointing fingers at each other and continued stagnation and blaming the other for not moving forward. Mr. Biden, what did you personally do when the newly elected President Trump called for the same to our nation when he was elected? Did your political distaste for the President-Elect prevent you from reaching out to work with him? Now that you are in the same quandary, what are you going to do to move the nation forward and extend the platitude of an olive branch to the other side? These seem to be just words thrown to the wind with recent inaugurations as the new administration transitions in and the previous administration begins exiting on the laurels of their achievements or their lack of.

Early voting was a great idea and one that brought out many new voters and was effective intentionally reaching new voters who may otherwise not have voted for a multitude of reasons. The record turnouts throughout the country proved coupled with number of ballots returned created the largest turnout of any election in history. Although though highly controversial, mail in ballots served its intended purpose, however; without national guidelines and established laws in handling early voting it was destined to be a recipe for failure. It was not a matter of which party gained or lost the most votes, but the challenges poised towards creating a system not fair to all Americans who voted. My thoughts of various rules counting votes past election day, no postmarks required, signatures not required in all states and duration allowed all opened up one election with a largely troubled outcome, ultimately planting the seeds of doubt in the minds of the voting American people. Do I believe President Trump has the right to a recount, certainly he does, notwithstanding what the winning party and mainstream media report. It appears the majority of individuals and the Democrat party forgot Senator Gore was offered the same right in 2000, when the race in Florida was razor close. But in the end the courts sided with how the people and the Electoral College voiced their choice. Prior to the Election Day your very own party stated if they would not win, the Democrat Party would not only concede the election, contest it and do exactly what the Republican Party is doing as we speak. There is a momentum growing of those who challenge our Constitution as nothing but an archaic document and will find ways to abolish the very system our founding fathers put in place to ensure equal and fair representation is had in our elections.

Permit me to be clear from the start, I am not a fan of the Biden/Harris platform. It is not personal and it’s simply I don’t agree with several key items which I felt were more in line with my own beliefs and values. The Democrat Party proved nothing but total disrespect for the Trump/Pence Administration starting from the election to his last days as the Republican candidate. Starting even before the Inauguration of President Trump, the Democratic Party has not done nothing but work against and find fault in his administration. Mr. Biden, could you imagine if you lead both parties and found common ground and worked together, what more may have been accomplished. As you stated repeatedly, together we can do so much more. Again, this obviously only applies when this is stated by the winning party as if it was an obligatory statement to offer comfort to the losing party and not something put into practice by the majority of politicians on both sides.

As a proud first-generation American, I consider myself to be an independent voter; slightly conservative but often have agreed to liberal items as well. I like to consider myself the gradient of Bright Red and Prussian Blue on Bob Ross’s pallet hitting the blank canvas for the first time. However; that being said, that’s another story for another time. I watched you deliver what appeared to be your acceptance speech to become our next President. I listened more attentively and respectfully than I believe most Democrat members of both the Senate and House of Representatives gave President Trump during his recent State of the Union address. What ever happened to working together as Americans? You seemed to keep this in the forefront of your rhetoric as its time to heal our country, bring unity to our country and mend broken relationships the current administration created. Repeatedly, I heard you say you don’t see red and blue, you see Americans and you will be the President for all Americans. Bare my redundancy to restate facts when four years ago, then President-Elect Trump also called for the same, but even before being inaugurated, Speaker of the House Pelosi stated she will bring impeachment proceedings against him for unfounded collusion and corruption.

Though mainstream media won’t bring it forward, the Democrat party used the greatest law enforcement institution of this country to spy on campaign and found other ways to work against the President. Do you recall the Democrat Party created a fake Russian dossier or the phone call to attempt to say there was pay to play with the Ukranian President, to support your unsubstantiated impeachment articles? Do you remember upon finishing the State of the Union address, Speaker of the House Pelosi disrespectfully ripped her copy of her speech on live television? As you would say Mr. Biden, “Come-On!” and why don’t you explain to the American people your involvement with your son, Hunter in the Ukranian deal? How is the mainstream media and social media dismissed and subdued this as nothing but tabloid worthy news and not having any merit to investigate? These same groups also point fingers at what some call tabloid television as they’re making up stories, but these media groups have uncovered hideous facts on what has been brewing for years. If there is nothing to hide, why the cover up? Remember, with time, the pendulum is set to swing to the other direction and truth has a way of surfacing outside the Beltway.

Over the last four years, I endured listening to your party, mainstream media and social media attack President Trump every day and finding fault at every opportunity. President Trump was elected under the premise he’s going to “clear the swamp”. I was not a fan of President Trump prior to his choice to run for President. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty I disagree with President Trump on but his faults didn’t impede on what I thought were legitimate successes he brought for our nation. I do not particularly like his self-fulfilling ego, his public speaking skills and his way of encouraging and enabling his supporters. I believed not being a career politician would be advantageous in rebuilding our nation after eight years of a stagnant Obama/Biden administration. You already made many promises to work both sides of the aisle and foresee a stronger and more unified nation and develop relationships globally to build more allies than enemies. In my lifetime, President Reagan was the model of what a successful politician and ultimately President is about. He manages to always to rank on the top five of most successful Presidents. During your speech you announced on Day One of your administration you will rollback and undo a majority of President Trump’s Executive Actions and work with both the houses of Congress to ensure this is done as expeditiously as possible to prevent any further damage to our country. This proves your partisan ties as you have failed to see not even one of President Trump’s successes, The facts stand, President Trump’s “Make America Great Again” was ridiculed by your party, but let’s review how he has made American great again during his term in office:

President Trump:

· brokered two Middle East Peace Accords, something that 71 years of political intervention and endless war failed to produce.

· the first President that has not engaged us in a foreign war since Eisenhower.

· led the greatest impact on the economy, bringing jobs, and lowering unemployment to the Black and Latino population of ANY other president - ever.

· exposed the deep, widespread, and long-standing corruption in the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, and the Republican and Democratic parties.

· turned NATO around and had countries start paying their fair share dues.

· neutralized the North Koreans, stopped them from developing a further nuclear capability, sending missiles toward Japan, and threatening the West Coast of the US.

· turned our relationship with the Chinese around, brought hundreds of business back to the US, and revived the economy.

· accomplished the appointing of three Supreme Court Justices and close to 300 Federal Judges.

· lowered employment taxes, increased the standard deduction on your IRS return from $12,500 for Married Filing Joint to $24,400 and caused the stock market to move to record levels over 100 times, positively impacting the retirements of tens of millions of citizens.

· fast tracked the development of a COVID Vaccine - it will be available within weeks, while we still don't have a vaccine for SARS, Bird Flu, Ebola, or a host of diseases that arose during previous administrations.

· regained the respect and rebuilt our military which the Obama administration had crippled and had fired 214 key generals and admirals in his first year of office.

· uncovered widespread pedophilia in the government and in Hollywood, and is exposing worldwide sex trafficking of minors and bringing children home to their families.

· served the American people without taking a salary and has lost well over 2 billion dollars of his own money in serving this great country

· he brought bright minds together to share innovative ideas and listen to creative out of the box ideas like stopping the production of cars to make masks and ventilators for our country

Many utterly hate and despise him based on campaign promises he made and successfully accomplished many of them. How special of you. He put his personal businesses aside to help put our nation back on a successful trajectory. Many criticized his allowing some of his businesses going bankrupt or terminating operations, however; a good business person can teach the government an item or two about funding programs which no longer are relevant or not meeting the intended outcomes to be successful. In the business world its determining whether the business is worth putting more cash into a losing proposition with no intention establishing presence and ultimately gaining a profit. I am going to point fingers at you President-Elect Biden, please educate me what have you accomplished in your near 50 years of public service. I am having difficulty finding anything but speeches filled with empty promises, pointing at others for your lack of achieving success and disgraceful plagiarism. For President, I wanted someone not afraid to take ownership and do what it takes to make our country succeed by making us priority one, are you prepared to prove me wrong?

President Trump may not be a smooth talking hypocrite of a politician like most found within the Beltway but he is a strong leader who isn’t afraid to stand up to both domestic and international bullies and kick some ass when needed. As much as I love technology, I believe President Trump should have toned down his Tweeting on Twitter considerably and used the technology to his advantage by addressing his successes, not attacking mainstream media, making fun of political adversaries, creating division and the countless other negative tweets. I voted for President Trump because I felt at this time our country didn’t need an apologetic, spoken mentor, a war hero or a role model to look up to nor a fabricator. We needed someone not afraid to take ownership and make our country succeed by making us priority one and begin to effectively drain the proverbial swamp. President Trump gained nothing by campaigning and eventually becoming President of the United States of America. He vowed to serve you, me and all Americans alike, just as all candidates promise. I get it, you don't like him nor do the majority of Democrats and a fair share of Republicans too, for no other reason than he is not one of you, a career politician with an uncensored banter against what appears anything different than himself. He put his personal businesses aside to help put our nation back on a successful had nothing to gain by becoming President of the United States of America, other than his hopes to improve our nation as he stated, “Make America Great Again.”

Not only our politicians continue to be filled with corruption, liars, suffering and criminals but in recent times, mainstream media as well as celebrities have become partisan politicians speaking for their own agendas and becoming nothing but a hindrance to our political and election processes. If you Mr. Biden or President Trump are the best of what America has to bring as the top contenders for the nomination of your respective parties, it either tells us the smarter ones would not subject themselves to a position filled with as much adversity or those actually deciding to campaign for President as the final position fulfilling the definitive Peter Principle. I believe you are the latter, I truly believe you are nothing but an easy puppet for the Democrat Party to nominate during the convention and use you as a stepping stone for Senator Harris. Her far left views are more in line of today’s Democrat Party now than yourself and she is set to take over the White House at a moment’s notice. Speaker of the House Pelosi already placed a bill for an amendment to remove an unfit President. If you think this was done in the event President Trump contracted COVID-19, you are more naïve than I thought, as it was clearly to remove you, the elected President Biden, for possibly dementia and allow for a clear entry for Senator Harris to assume the role.

The agenda you set forth asks the global community to accept our apologies for the actions of our current President from pulling out of the Paris Accord and not participating in the World Health Organization. The effects of global warming are now being blamed on President Trump’s lack of participating of financially supporting such international groups or his policies which sought viable alternatives which may not economically damage our nation. His firm stance to ask nations to start paying their fair share, is not only sound practice but holds other nation’s accountable to their participation. Lastly, “listen to the science” has been words you used intentionally and consistently how President Trump handled the pandemic as well as global warming. I cringe how the Democrats play double standard by attacking President Trump’s rallies filled with those not complying with the recommended guidelines but how the mainstream media says nothing to those who are not so peacefully protesting.

Mr. Biden, you personally blamed President Trump for fanning the flames of racism and hatred and making the object of all persons like me, a white American male needing to apologize for our white privilege. According to your agenda, the root of problems in our society is against anyone whose is a white American male who through outright discrimination or implicit bias suppressed the rights of race, religion, ethnicity, gender and sexual orientation. This makes the Democrat party guilty of labeling me as the quintessential white-privileged citizen who is the root cause of systematic racism in our country. Come on, Mr. Biden, explain to me when one doesn’t agree with your political philosophy, we become white privileged, suppressed racist, xenophobe, homophobe, misogynistic, etc or as Senator Clinton called us, “a bunch of deplorables.” I should not be shamed into being called any one of many negatives terms aforementioned when I don’t agree with you and the Democrat Party’s philosophies any more as to label all brown/black or African-American (choose your identity of the month) citizens criminals and causing all the looting of their own neighborhoods and burning down of our inner cities. If you look to the statistics, the perceived violence law enforcement has against killing African-Americans, it just doesn’t hold ground. Social media and mainstream media continually portray law enforcement as them as barbaric murderers targeting our non-white population. Conversely, they fail to report on the extensive criminal records many of these individuals had prior to the confrontation and often portray them as law abiding citizens. Mr. Biden, its easy to back down and place blame on law enforcement for being at fault for all police actions against non white persons. Your way to solve this would be prioritizing to move defund traditional police departments, who are charged with “to serve and to protect” and to create ideal social enforcement programs which would be more aligned existing pragmatic community based programs. We continue to fund these existing community based programs repeatedly for decades and not see statistically significant measurable outcomes, but again, another story for another time.

Another one of your campaign promises was to increase benefits for the poor and offer more for the benefits for the working middle class. Free universal health care for all, free post-secondary education and higher minimum wage are all impressive undertakings which could nothing but increased taxing of working citizens, devaluing our economic engines of both currency and stock exchange, increased inflation of living expenses while further increasing our national debt. I do not think its the government’s job to create an enabled population which will depend upon our government for their survival, but to create a more self-reliant population which the government has its back on tough times. May I remind you; our country continues to be the land of opportunity where everyone is offered the opportunity to succeed. This is why millions of people continue to attempt to immigrate to our great country even at the expense of losing their life or family and often leave with nothing more than the clothes on their back and a small bag of personal belongings. Both my parents were one of these who legally left their homelands to our great country for nothing but a promised land of opportunity.

You and your administration already became a part of our history. Many have already vocalized your bridging the differences since the Presidential election. They feel proud to be an American for the first time in their lives and feel their lives will not be subject to systematic racism, anti-Semitism, religious persecution and rescinding of laws such as Wade vs Roe and those pertaining to LGBTQ. They feel their children will be guaranteed a better future based on the premise of the intentionally crafted words placed by your team on the teleprompters for you to discretely read. Our Native Americans have a saying, “What if I told you that the left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird.” I fully agree and will further add, the eagle will always need both wings to soar over the donkeys and elephants, even if they resemble and act like turkeys. Our nation, always stood proud on the laurels of its citizens and recently we’ve become increasingly crippled by politicians finding it easier to become domestic partisans filled with polarized extremes and apologize on the international stage for what makes America great.

On a closing note, I hope you are afforded more respect for the office of President than your party given to President Trump. I am confident half of my family and friends will have vastly differing observations and opinions than myself, but that is okay. I anticipate they will be kinder and more accepting to differences, able to discuss sensibly and behave better as representatives of what Americans are than the political partisans which our government has become. I assume you will steer our nation in what’s best for this country, just as President Trump did despite so many working against him. Who knows maybe in four years, I’ll be writing a retraction and apology to what I wrote today and will be the one highlighting your success? I pray for your success, not because I support the Biden/Harris agenda but we as a nation, the United States of America depend on it, because for you to fail, we will all fail as nation.

Sincerely,



Robert W Kovacs

first generation American, proud patriot  

 


 

 

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September 07, 2020

GREETING THE SEASON’S CHANGE

As I lay in bed and battle another night of insomnia, my mind is in a blur of nostalgic and cherished memories of my childhood summers at our cottage on the Severn River in Muskoka, Canada. I remember this time of the year being so bittersweet. This was the polar opposite of the excitement my parents and I had waiting for spring to arrive and head up north and to bring the cottage out of its long winter nap and bring in another summer cottage season to be among our friends and neighbors who became our extended family. As a child, I was the lucky one, Mom and I spent my entire summer break up there until I was 12 years-old. Dad would make the over seven hour drive each way from our home outside of Detroit to come up every Friday night and return back for the work week every Sunday night. I remember excitedly trying to stay awake for his post-midnight arrival, however; my first greetings were often waking up to the smells of him making Saturday breakfast.

Summer on the Severn River unofficially ended with Labor Day weekend and it was now time to begin to close up another summer season. Throughout the entire summer, family and friends came by for a couple of days or Dad would surprise me by bringing one of my friends up with him on Friday night. I still wonder how my father was able to cross an international border with a non-related child with just a birth certificate, but I digress, back to my post. This typically, more often than not, was our last weekend and closed up the cottage for the season. Our Canadian neighbors often still went up until Columbus Day (Canadian Thanksgiving Day) or sometimes later and then closed up for the season. We usually managed to squeeze in a visit for the day during my school’s winter break and spring break while celebrating Christmas and Easter holidays with our family in Toronto.

While Dad and our friends prepared to pull the boat out and winterize it, Mom helped take care of the inside preparations for the cottage’s winter hibernation. Together, they turned off and drained the water, brought in the outdoor furniture and BBQ into the basement, returned gardening tools and checked off many last-minute items on their well-rehearsed checklist of to-do’s. In those days, we had to arrange for someone to take us out to the marina by boat where we parked our car. Autumn, brought cooler winds whispering through the pine trees, mist lifting off the warmer river and Mother Nature telling her wildlife to scurry for food and gather material to prepare their home for the long winter ahead.

We must have already said our good-byes to our summer family and neighbors over just one more visit, one more meal together, one more drink, one more boat ride, one more last water ski, one more swim or just one more whatever, as if we weren’t ready to close up for the season. All that mattered was we were together amongst our family and how everything seemed to be simpler and better back then. I, too wouldn’t see my summer siblings again until next summer. The great thing was with spring arriving, cottages began opening up and everyone reunited without skipping a beat, everything just fell back into place and everyone seemed to pick back up exactly where they left off when they said their seasonal farewell’s several months earlier.

With the electricity turned off at the big box in my parents’ bedroom, we took one last look around to make sure we had everything and everything was taken care of including the last bathroom break (this time the outhouse) until we filled up with gas about half way to Detroit. With the winter curtains drawn and the turn of the key in the door, we officially sealed another summer as done. As we got into the car, my parents would say in unison a quick prayer in Hungarian, “Isten segítsen minket” or translated, God help us. In this case, God help us get home once again safely and be able to return yet for another summer. God obliged. He watched over my Dad as did those long drives every Friday and Sunday night drives for dozen or so years until they moved to south Florida. He protected Mom and I for the weeks we spent up at the cottage alone before the weekends filled up around the river.

Once we finally pulled out of our driveway for the last time this season, we waved until our recognizable family members became simply silhouettes, then vague shadows and eventually no longer seen by the road’s dust we left behind. I remember feeling profoundly sad during the ride home. I vividly remember taking Highway 11 until it blended into Highway 400 and seeing the rural farmlands become an urban skyline with the CN Tower prevailing miles before entering the city limits of Toronto proper. We exited Highway 400 just before it reduced down to became a Toronto thoroughfare by heading west on Highway 401. My sadness usually disappeared the closer we were to home. I recall, waking up as we crossed the Ambassador Bridge and entered the United States. By now, I am filled with excitement to reunite with my school friends and share yet another exciting summer I had at the cottage doing things most children my age would have only dreamt about.

As the years passed, it became increasingly difficult for my aging parents not only to do the long drive, now from South Florida but to maintain the cottage and upkeep the grounds the way they liked it. In fall of 2013, my parents closed the cottage for one last greeting the season’s change, not just for the winter, but for the very last time. As they locked the door the final time and made sure their memorized checklist was complete, they then emotionally passed over the keys to their realtor, whom they will always remember as the little redheaded girl along with her sisters spending countless time at our cottage. For me, living in South Florida, keeping the cottage would not have been practical since I am only able to take one week of vacation at any given time. I could just see spending my week off working and maintaining rather than spending it in relaxation and enjoyment. Despite the sadness of closing this large chapter of our lives, our decision to sell was not an easy one, but it was the right choice at the right time. Our realtor tried comforting my parents by telling them how letting go may not be easy but the new family buying our cottage will open up in the spring and make new friends and family, bring their traditions and celebrations, just as my parents did so many years earlier.

While still not being able to sleep, I got up, reached for my cell phone to get my social media fix and head to my rocking chair in my living room. I begin thumbing through group posts, looking at pictures and reading shared stories of others only to realize how many of our family and friends have left this terrestrial life and how many new one’s are starting their own new chapter. Many of the posts left me filled with nostalgic smiles and no doubt some tears too. Oddly, it also left me a bizarre sense of emptiness while I still am trying to grasp that I am no longer the little boy up at the cottage staring into night’s crisp cloudless sky, hoping to catch a meteor or two; or the one hoping to catch the record walleye; or jumping into the refreshing cool Severn River during an unexpected heat wave but I have become a 50 year old man wondering where all the years vanished to. 

 



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August 03, 2020

YESTERDAY 08, AFTER 03, TODAY 20

Yesterday, I had enough ...

Enough of me waking up every morning all achy and in pain,
Enough of the scale screaming at me, as the gym is welcoming me back,
Enough of my Mom telling me how I look good, but to eat more,
Enough of my BG not stabilizing, despite watching mostly everything I put in my mouth,
Enough of saying to myself, just give it time and one more day,
Enough of feeling sorry for myself and have a pity party for one,
Enough of thinking I’ve been strong through everything, but at times I put on a good show.

Yesterday, after reliving some hurdles …

After watching my Dad’s health deteriorate over the past years, eventually he couldn’t fight any longer,
After helping my Mom through some major health issues, I see how her spirit remains strong,
After taking care of my own issues last year, the reality I am no longer a young adult, but I am 50,
After losing my li’l fur baby girl just shy of 19 years, memories bring smiles but realizing tears still burn,
After adjusting to new meds, which don’t always work as predicted nor make me feel any better,
After having my job spared despite a significant pay cut, seeing many friends part ways,
After all that I have been through in this so called, journey of life, I am still blessed.

Today, I come first …

Today, I hired a personal trainer to help me get back into exercising,
Today, I am ok with telling people “no” because I promised myself something first,
Today, I won’t pretend everything is all right when I know inside is not,
Today, I promised myself to be the best I can be,
Today, I started to change my priorities for tomorrow forward,
Today, I will be a better me for investing more in me,
Today, I give the gift of the present for me to live for today.

I had enough of my past,
After all the obstacles I’ve overcome,
I won’t procrastinate today, as I know what I need to do.




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July 25, 2020

JUST ANOTHER SALE FOR THE USED CAR SALESPERSON

My Dad often called getting old, not the “golden years” but the “rusting years” as everything begins to get older, rustier and eventually falls apart.  As I was rapidly approaching my 50th birthday, I began to notice some wear and tear on my own frame.  I didn’t think much of it until I need to have knee surgery for a double-torn meniscus with some arthritic bone debris.  The pain at first was nothing but an interference into my activities; I may have felt a little tightness from minor exertion during my workout or a longer than usual walk.  Within an hour or two and a couple pain relievers, everything was fine.  As time passed, the pain became progressively unbearable.  I would wake up in the middle of the night in pain just from my knee rubbing against the other knee or if I put any amount of weight on it.  After less than an hour of surgery, I was able to stand and put full weight on it without pain and was able to sleep through most of the night without any major interruptions. 
 
After much procrastination and dwelling, I finally decided to replace my mattress.  I had my current mattress for at least eight years, perhaps more, it’s just not one of those things I really never gave a second thought on having to replace.  Only when the mattress no longer provided me comfort for my aching frame, I decided it’s time to retire the old and bring on the new.  Over the past year, I walked out of more stores than I want to remember when the salesperson pretentiously knew exactly what I needed, like a predator on his first prey after a long winter hibernation.  If the salesperson’s impression of what is perfect for me is based on his assumptions on what he saw when I walked in, they didn’t deserve my business … and we all know what assume means.  It was not even the money I was about to spend, scaring me away as much as the salespersons who tried upselling  everything by convincing of the must haves on this year’s model and without fail managed to squeeze in the must haves of the fully loaded extras.  I think this process went on close to a year but seemed like more before I finally had to give in as prey to one of these predators.             
 
As things began to open up from the COVID-19 pandemic, along with a friend we ventured out on a Saturday rendezvous to get out of the house a bit.  I coerced him to come with me to the mattress store, he unwillingly obliged, much like taking a beloved pet to the veterinarian for their annual vaccines.  We pulled into the parking lot, took a couple deep breathes before going up to the door and walking in.  The salesperson appeared to anticipate our arrival and welcomed us to their showroom (what you and I call a mattress store).  I  was nervously happy to get the older dapper salesperson thinking he may not be as aggressive to make the sale than the younger preppy one.    
 
The salesperson began interrogate me on what seemed like a round of 101 questions, mattress store style.  He showed me high end, middle range and low end in price and quality and let me pick what was good for me, by the end, he let me take my time trying out the ones I liked.  Never did he rush me, but while trying to get comfortable, he mentioned the pros and cons of each of the five mattresses I considered.  Little did he know, I already narrowed it down to three of them and I just wanted to try out which was the best fit for me.  The one I picked was high middle in price and came with an adjustable base.  This may ease some of my pains I get.  The only thing I can’t get over is how tall today’s mattresses are what a chore it will be to put on a fitted pad and fitted sheets!   Just never thought mattresses required more thoughts and decisions than plush, medium, firm.  
 
So here’s some of the questions he threw at me…  
 
My price range – don’t remember the breakouts but do I want cheaper, middle ground or expensive – or as he stated what make do I want: a Yugo, Honda, Cadillac, Mercedes or Rolls Royce.  He basically told me to toss the Yugo and Rolls Royce.  He said the Yugo won’t last nor will it offer any relief but to my wallet and the Rolls Royce has more features on it that you will never past the showroom.  
 
Let's get down to the model and trim.  For my model, I asked would I want latex, memory foam, cooling gel, hybrid, coil, combo and for the trim do I prefer luxury plush, plush, medium, medium firm, firm and extra firm.  He had spent time explaining all in detail and again shared the pros and cons of each one.  Then he proceeded with additional options, like optional equipment on my car.  How thick do I want the mattress and what I want for the topping and what do I have for as a base.  For topping, my choices were pillow top, quilted top, gel top, flattop, smooth top and for the bottom its boxspring, platform, slatts, or foam bottom or ground.  I wanted standard thickness, which mind you is probably one and half times the height of my current mattress, topping smooth top and on a platform.  I kept my choices to accommodate my current situation to avoid any additional increase in costs and time in the showroom.  By this point, I was getting restless and ready to leave and I am confident my friend was already wishing he never came along.    
 
After almost spending what seemed like all of my Saturday there, the salesperson acknowledged we were winding down our time together but he needs to know my package preference and delivery options.  The package would what’s included with the mattress purchase.  My choice was basic, essentials, comfort and royal.  I had to select one looking at a grid showing what’s included in each package.  The basic just included either a mattress cover or a couple of pillows to the platinum includes everything from the preceding lists.  I opted to stay with the complimentary basic package and chose the two pillows.  Delivery also had four options: free, bronze, silver, gold or platinum.  Living on the third floor of a condominium coupled with my lack of handyman skills, I chose the platinum package.  This included removal of the old mattress, set up of the adjustable base, placing the mattress on the adjustable base and making sure everything is working as expected. 
 
There is no wonder I really kept postponing this shopping trip, it was probably worse than buying a car. With the salesperson watching me, I just layed prone, he continued to tell me more unnecessary details about the mattress in a monotone voice which just about put me to sleep.  This is when I hope I made the right decision which will last me for at least five years.  Although it was the last thing I wanted to do on my weekend but glad it’s done and hope my five to fifteen minute romp on the floor demo, hope they remove the old as promised, deliver the new and set up the adjustable base on my platform without causing too much second thoughts if I made the right choice at the right time.  I leave you to return to your regularly scheduled Saturday programming … oh… as for the woman in picture … wife/girlfriend not included.


 

 

 

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May 31, 2020

FRACTURED COEXISTENCE

Have you ever as a teenager or even as a child remember wondering if ‘X’ never happened how things would be different today. An example of something I pondered recently was if the outcome of the Vietnam War would be any different had President Kennedy never been assassinated and how would it be any different? This is just one example of the many philosophical conversations I have going on in my head with myself and if I am lucky, sometimes I can have these conversations with my friends.

The pendulum of democracy swung to its extreme with the brutal death of George Floyd by a rogue police officer on May 25, 2020. There was no reason for this rogue police officer to intentionally restrain him in a manner which he basically suffocated him to death. Equally disturbing, not one other police officer or civilian attempted to stop the rogue police officer by force or otherwise. It appears what was more important at the moment was to capture it on cell phone video and repurpose it against all police officers as being part of systematic racism against people of color. According to occupational census, there are over 750,000 sworn police officers – the odds all are like this one is highly unlikely. Regardless of the profession, the rogue employee, the one who profoundly did something unethical, illegal or worse killed someone will inevitably unfairly label the entire profession.

The majority making up our law enforcement are countless men and women who leave their families every day going to work with the fear of not knowing if their last “I love you” they said to a spouse, parent or a child will truly be their last one. These are the same individuals who attend to unimaginable crime scenes, keeping our communities safe, provide first response for assistance, remain active in our communities and providing law enforcement to all; in spite of being placed in diverse communities, political positions and various weather conditions.

This entire incident sparked a conflagration of changes to the foundation of our country. In the last few weeks, the media reported of peaceful protesting coupled with violent demonstrations, senseless looting and destruction of neighborhoods. Initially, the media reported the peaceful protests but soon after shifted paradigms of reporting to the criminal acts and the extremes of not so peaceful protesting filling the streets as being acceptable ways to show the community’s outrage and unwilling to tolerate the systematic racism against persons of color. The peaceful protesting opened community leaders and influencers to speak louder to get their escalated message out for action, resulting in further dividing our nation.

Those with appeared white privileged are being apologetic for stating their opinions publicly. With the light of bad publicity shining on these individuals, suddenly they became enlightened to the black lives matter movement. The very media which expressed their disdain for behaviors which didn’t parallel their core values and morals have begun to show those same individuals begin apologizing for their opinions, as if they lost their First Amendment right to have one. An example was made of Drew Brees when apologized for his very own opinion of him being adversely against of kneeling during the national anthem and US flag was wrong and came back stating he misunderstood the whole reason, but he too, has now he understands the history of why it was done and wishes to be forgiven for his biased beliefs. Roger Goodell, the NFL commissioner became enlightened and understands Colin Kaepernick’s position and his right to take a knee to our sacred flag and national anthem and feels he is owed an apology for the misunderstanding of his position.

The influencers escalated their message resulting in numerous national corporations stating they will examine all current and future charitable giving guidelines. The ultimate goal of ensuring funds appearing to benefit a white privileged majority will be reevaluated to fairly redistribute funds to address capacity for the black lives movement and other minority priorities. These protestors alongside of influencers are asking for police departments to be defunded to allow for less systematic racial profiling in urban communities and to allow for less aggressive policing and more community-based enforcement. Whether politicians or community leaders, these influencers would like to see budgeted funds in the police departments be divested and reallocated in new sensitive safety measures, increase wages of the working poor, provide a mandated living wage for everyone, subsidize housing costs, improve schools and reducing the gap between the financial insecurities of the African-American community while redistributing the wealth of those who are white privileged. Both political parties poured countless funds into many of these aforementioned initiatives and almost all failed to realize any worthwhile sustained change in the critical outcome of improving the quality of life for those living in these communities.

Over the past decade, extreme measures have taken place to remove or even worse destroy, perceived objectionable portions of American history. Many believe items such as statues, parks, streets, municipalities and countless other items named after the very people who were part of history are being erased because they represent the glorification and idolization of our past and present tolerance of racism. If we begin to remove racist/objectionable parts of history are we bound to forget our past and bound to repeat it? At an alarming rate, municipalities are renaming parks and streets and removing statues from public parks and on a federal level there was discussion remove statues from the National Statuary Hall and to remove anything which may be perceived offensive. Will we go as far as renaming all things Washington since he was a slave owner? Will we rename all things Columbus because how he treated Native American Indians? Will we disguise our history and paint it to reflect only what is politically correct and reflect only what’s sensitive towards the black lives matter movement? Will we remove Thanksgiving for the national holiday as it doesn’t properly depict the joyful feast of Native American Indian and the white man? Will we professional sports teams who use Native American likeness in their logos and their names?

Associations of persons of color such as Black Caucasus, 100 Black Men, United Negro College Fund along with a myriad other associations implying of Black or African-Americans have been generally accepted by Americans. Initially, these were founded when our nation was providing but separate but equal access to persons of color to participate in society. Decades later these associations of person of color have proliferated and remained acceptable to have an exclusive or near majority of Black or African-American association of people. If the perceived white privileged created such exclusive associations based on race, a one-sided rally cry of discrimination and racism would most likely occur. Yet, the perceived white privileged for the most part remained silent in any cry of reverse discrimination or racism and did not create a maelstrom of protests and division amongst the people of our nation.

Throughout the nation, vast number of communities ignited very polarizing opinions on both sides of this issue with neither one being exclusively right or completely wrong. An inappropriate double entendre may be stated of this issue, it is simply neither black nor white, but it is gray. There is a lot of going on, it’s turbulent and it’s an awakening. Just because any one person or group doesn’t speak for/against anyone a side doesn’t necessarily mean they are part of the problem but are trying to comprehend and digest all that is going on. They see how the one spark caused such a conflagration and wonder how and if issues brought to the forefront will be addressed. There are critical questions to be asked as well as more complicated questions to ask, all of which have no simple answers as there is no definitive end. When does it end? How will this change effect the course of history as opposed to the previous attempts to move the needle on this issue? How is this going to change America as we know it for the better or for the worse?

Without hesitation, let’s bring forth the discussion to come up with measurable actions with realistic timelines for change. It’s going to take patience and perseverance to listen to views which may be painful to hear – but what is imperative to realize its ok to have a difference in opinion. We must not and cannot apologize for expressing a difference in opinion without fundamentally changing our country’s historical foundations. This is a hallmark of our US Constitution, which is not the only item our nation’s founding forefathers had great foresight in. If this continues, the test of our US Constitution and the principles of what this nation was founded on, will have failed not only its people but ultimately creating a tragic ending for what the United States was founded upon. The test of our democracy is a fragile one, but our nation depends upon a respect for the past and to learn from it, not remove it nor change history but change the present to make history for the next generation to see how Americans adapt to changing times and do so with fortitude and flexibility, just as the foundations of this country were founded upon.

Perhaps, just maybe things would be different if we listened when President Kennedy said, “Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.” I am afraid if society keeps looking back in the rearview mirror to live our lives, it will crash any view of progress made. Ultimately, it will destroy any opportunity of looking forward to a future becoming better than its yesterdays.


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