A SOCIAL INTROVERT POSSIBLY ON THE SPECTRUM

From the first time we ever met,

you immediately realize why,

my friends call me an old soul.

 

Living in a by-gone era,

stubborn to a fault,

set in my own ways.

predictable in my actions,

even more so, in my routines,

especially, my ethics and values.

 

From all that I do,

creating daily to-do lists,

planning schedules ahead,

setting goals to accomplish,

creating detailed itineraries;

taking calculated risks and

enjoying life’s simple activities.

 

My obsession for organization,

keeps my both head and mind,

balanced and sane,

with the exception of

not making my bed every morning.

 

I have my ways,

I have my routines,

I have my preferences,

but for whatever the reason,

you think yours is the only way.

 

When it came to how I do things,

or even behaving to set norms,

typical for my actual age.

whether sports, hobbies,

shared interests or events.

a simple conversation,

becomes complicated,

when I just never

seemed to fit

any cliques.

 

Early on,

I was taught

give it your all,

in all that you do,

or don’t do it at all.

 

I try,

I try hard,

I try harder,

but no matter

how much I do,

I never thought,

I was I ever,

good enough.

 

In many instances,

I found myself

becoming

nothing

but less than at times

an only lonely

seeking most

my leisure and hobbies in activities,

where it was

me, alone,

or at the very most

only with

one other.

 

Exhausted and stressed,

I felt as if I never belonged,

I always worked harder,

to get what 

I earned,

yet,

somehow,

I made it,

by

always

making it,

look easy.

 

I seemed to be,

the square peg,

trying so hard to fit it into

the round hole.

 

I never fit your mold,

but I shaped my own

and in that shape,

I found my missing piece.

 

I found my inner peace,

in my perpetual state of

my own madness.

 

I didn’t fit, not because

I wasn’t meant to be

I wasn’t broken,

I was just different.

 

Despite being tenacious,

I remained resilient,

Failure was not an option.

           

Success was found,

in my very own way,

at my very own pace

and in my own time.

 

  

REMINISCING THROUGH SWEET AUTHENTICITY

In 2020, the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, left plenty of opportunities for me to reflect back how fast these years really do roll by. Its not often my life slows down long enough for me to ponder and wonder (yes, bad play on words) my own life yet when I took the vaccine, I was down for the count and allowed me time to get to things I intentionally neglected for some time. It allowed myself to slow down albeit for a short period of time. I managed to review and reassess my life and somewhat reprioritize the next stage of life, retirement. I felt as I experienced more hot flashes and night sweats than probably most my female friends who already experienced menopause. Coupled with added unbearable muscle and joint pain, I was out of commission from work for just over a week after the initial and subsequent two booster vaccines I took. During this down time, I was able to analyze my finances, come up with a targeted goal retirement date, and most importantly and reflect on my sentimental journey.

I question how fast the years passed us by, much like a toilet paper at the end of its roll. The closer to the end, the faster it seems to roll. When we were children, do you remember how summer couldn’t arrive fast enough from the beginning of the school year. Now, as adults, it seems like in the blink of our eyes we made another trip around the sun and added another year to our existence. Leaving us to wonder where the year disappeared to. It feels like only yesterday I graduated high school, with my parents by my side celebrating. It then feels likes only last week when I graduated with my master of science degree, yet, both these milestone events were over thirty years ago. I won’t be sharing much of my own life’s significant happenings in this post, as this itself is my journey, of which I share significant points in time throughout my blog. Yet, other milestones feel like only month ago that they transpired. I remember going to engagement parties, weddings and then to baby showers, christenings and first communions and bar/bat-mitzvah’s and graduations. In reality, this too was years ago much of these were at least twenty years or more ago. In the last year, I’ve gone to less of those celebratory milestones and attended more second weddings, graduations and first weddings of my friends’ children and sadly, on occasion said my good-byes by attending memorial services of classmate’s or a past colleague’s untimely passing. I even attended a few early retirement celebrations with the most recent one, being my very own.

Have you seen the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is the eccentric one speaking out against her office ritual of having cake to celebrate not only birthdays but retirements, get wells, births and other Hallmark holidays and events. I normally am not one to do cards and gifts for co-workers as I don’t want to have a feeling of endless awkward obligation to reciprocate. As I will no longer celebrate any more milestones of reaching another work anniversary. I find it fitting and a great time to reflect back on my just over 40 plus years of working for the YMCA of South Florida. As I write this, I celebrate one year since I made my decision to retire December 13, 2024 and soon to follow will be one year since I gave my notice of intentions and worked my last final worked day.

I digress, this is not about me dealing with the side effects of the vaccine nor milestones in life but reflecting on a career well spent and sharing my advice to a novice and lessons learned through an allegory, exemplified with the sweetness of different confections. Even some of the more challenging times often have confections relatable to moments in time which I’d much sooner pass over than relive. Now, let me take you on a comical if not a satirical view of my career from a sweet perspective of my very own COW TALES.

Go ahead, break open your favorite confectionery delight and enjoy the read. Sit back and enjoy the story, picture it, my career has been nothing but a journey in CANDYLAND. I know you don’t care for EXTRA but here’s enough just to QUENCH your thirst and to ask for more. No need for any ICEBREAKERS as there a few MIKE AND IKE’s who still remember my days and know many of my skeletons and secrets.

In my just over 40 years, Ive seen a lot of characters in the Y come and go. As I SNICKER, I must say I encountered some RUNTS and NUTS over the years. Tossed in for good measure, we had some AIRHEADS and WHOPPERS to balance them out. A lot of come in for their moment in time to shine and then before I knew it, they too were on their way to their next stop. Leaving not even a STARBURST in their departure. I recall, a few CEOs and corporate staff who remained nothing more than RED HOTS filled with only their own hot air and nothing else to contribute. Yet, the ones I like to remember most were the SMARTIES. These are the ones who took time to mentor and remain to this day nothing less than my extended family.

Then there were the SLOW POKs, perhaps their journey is not the express line, but they make multiple stops before reaching their final destination. There were also the SWEETTARTS and a few with a BIT O HONEY. They, too, will always be the ones that stand in my mind as the ones who left us too soon. Lastly, the final ones who not only made a difference in the Y, but left a mark in my life. When I look back over the years, there definitely was probably more GOOD & PLENTY ones compared to the SOUR NERDS and LEMONHEADS.

Maybe a handful know my humble beginnings working in child care and summer camp and progressing along in operations until I was recruited and became one of them. Them referring to the one who joined the dark side and took a promotion to work in WHATCHMACALLIT … oh, the dreaded Association Office. Once I left operations, I held key positions in human resources, grants management, training, information technology, marketing and lastly, payroll and benefits.

Many would or could not have adapted, let alone survived all the changes. Many remained steadfast in their original positions for their entire career (whether months or years or decades) while others opted to move on. I know most are not in the MARATHON for a career but are here in the present. I opted to try different roles in different departments and was able to SKITTLEd outside of my plenty of operations roles. Despite the many different positions I held, there were many changes in key leadership roles at the Association Office, each coming with their own changes and leadership styles. Those OLD FASHIONED staff members, the die hards like me, persevered and remained flexible to the changes and caught several LIFESAVERS to help us get through the rougher years. For all that I’ve been through I wish I could SKOR a 100 GRAND PAYDAY once in my career. But the best I could do is about half that.

With my retirement, there is one less of the original YMCA of Broward County THREE MUSKETEERS and probably less of the original YMCA of Greater Miami. I may not have been as famous as BABY RUTH; but I managed to have a JOYRIDE leaving a legacy of my own. I will leave NOW AND LATER come back after saying see you soon.

With HUGS and KISSES, I wish success to not just the YMCA of South Florida but all those who are part of making this a KINDER place to work and a safer place for others to play. As my fingers SNAPs, I share with you to go find your ALMOND JOY and make a difference and impact in all that you do. Leaving you, with hopes, you too, one day, like me will be reminiscing through sweet dreams of a great career and with your very own legacy permanently sealed.

 

 

 

WITH NO ANSWERS TO MY PAST, JUST QUESTIONS

Some time in my life before I knew you,
The social introvert you know today,
Wasn’t the friend standing before you today. 

Many saw a shy nerd or a dumb dork,
Some say I appeared selfish or aloof,
Others saw a snob or just being coy.

Years before today, when I was quite lost,
Little did you know, I strayed off life’s path,
Its then, I let out my first cry for help.

Before today, I didn’t stand tall and proud,
With no answers to my many questions.
Unable to find my true inner self.

I remained alone when I cried for help,
Pushing away those who rushed to my aid,
I remained in denial of my pain.

Distraction robbed my focus towards my goals,
Then destruction destroyed my ambition,
Leaving me here, depressed and despondent.

With no compass or map to find my way,
I walk the path of my so called lost life,
No direction nor a destination.

Becoming discouraged and desperate.
I found myself strayed from my own life’s path,
Only seeing what’s directly ahead.

Lurking in the blackness of the dark night,
A figure unbeknownst to me stands by,
Following my every step with a gap.

The further into the path I followed,
The more lost I became finding myself,
With little hope, I just about gave up.

Darkness called my body to take a rest,
I found comfort in nature’s bed of grass,
Before I closed my eyes, I said my prayers.

Letting the evening’s cool breeze settle in,
I felt the figure’s presence come closer,
Still not knowing its true identity.

My mind reflected and ruminated,
Choices, decisions, opportunities,
All ways in which I steered my life’s path wrong.

The figure knelt beside me, not to speak,
But listened to the rhythm of my breath,
As if my pain always had a witness.

The breeze whispered the truths which I ignored,
Of many wounds unhealed, and dreams deferred,
Of strength, I buried beneath my silence.

As I dreamt, I wandered forgotten rooms,
Where laughter once echoed and light once shined,
Finding a mirror made of memories.

I saw the lonely child of my past,
Curious, kind and unafraid to feel,
Before the world taught me to hate and fear.

When morning broke, it wasn’t loud or grand,
The figure now familiar, just smiled,
No longer a stranger, just a found friend.

The figure spoke not with words, but with light,
With a whisper and shimmer of memory,
I woke, not fully rested, but made whole.

I noticed the path to my life’s journey,
I always placed it a few steps behind,
Not allowing the true me to shine through.

Only then I made the realization,
The figure has been a part of my soul,
Albeit, forever suppressed in fear.

I started to believe who I’d become,
I stood and shook off the dust of my past,
Dared to dream of a better tomorrow.

Ready to walk my life’s path once again,
This time, not to walk away from myself.
But walk toward the light I lost long ago.