BEING THE LIGHT IN SOMEONE’S DARKNESS

I've prepared for my supervisor’s imminent retirement which was originally planned for April 2020, but that is also the same time the world was starting a shutdown due to Covid. He decided to stay and ride out the tidal wave of unchartered waters and ride the wave as a first-rated surfer not sure of not the just what, but when will the next wave will hit. His fiscal austerity guided our YMCA association through these difficult times and just over two years, we may not be fully out of the impact of the pandemic, but there is light being seen with our membership and programs census coupled with staffing levels starting to steadily increase, albeit slowly.

Before I left for the day, embarking on a much-needed week off of PTO from the office, I walked by his office and dropped off the letter I reveal below. As I handed him the letter, he had asked in his quirky humor way, if it was my expressing my true thoughts of him (with a few choice adjectives omitted) and submitting my resignation. My words weren’t minced, over time I knew how to play my cards, I simply answered something along the lines that he couldn’t be so lucky and that I am not about to break my career tenure of service record. I told him, I felt it was only appropriate he doesn’t read it until Thanksgiving Day and wished him and his family a joyous gathering and proceeded my way. Upon returning from my time off, he came by my office, without many words which was unusual, in Mark’s way and on his terms, he thanked me for the letter. I understood at this point the true meaning of less is more as I made this man, somewhat speechless, perhaps it was because I was able to find the side of him so few of us working with him ever see.

There was more to come. Fast forward two weeks later… Here it is, the moment to celebrate 30 give or take years of servant leadership, Mark Russell.

Monday Morning…

The YMCA held the first exempt staff rally (meeting) since the pandemic erupted, with more new faces than the ones I became familiar with. After a state of our YMCA and recognition of programs and membership the event proceed to honor my supervisor. To keep it short, he was honored by the staff by presenting him a gift of appreciation for all the individually handmade recognition awards he has given to staff over his tenure. Each unique award was individually created by Mark with being totally mindful of the person he was recognizing and in turn the staff returned the favor.  My team, the finance team gifted him a rooster with vivid colors and a yellow candle ball.  The rooster represented Mark’s ability to be up before the sun (yellow candle ball) and the colorful feathers each represented not only his various skills but all the projects, tasks and responsibilities he took on as our Chief Financial Officer

Thursday Evening…

In the midst of a bright light shining on me, nervously I self-volunteered myself to be the first to speak at my boss's retirement party this December 9, 2021. It was a hard act to follow a well-produced video showing him in one of a myriad roles and responsibilities he carried in his seven years with our association and following the words of our President/CEO and one of our Vice Presidents presenting him various gifts and awards. I delivered a free form acrostic poem I wrote in his honor. I feel relatively comfortable speaking in front of a group. However, this time I practiced what I wrote over and over again, it wasn't that I had to memorize it, but I was worried that my emotions may cause my words to blend together and come out as huge incoherent mess.

Upon returning to my seat, I saw some of my colleagues stand in applause while others praised my poise and the delivery of my said words were both genuine and heartfelt. A few unfamiliar faces in the crowd came to me introduced themselves  praised and complimented my words. Yet, most importantly was the handshake and simple nod of the acknowledgement I received from Mark Russell himself, as now I personally am two for zero in leaving him somewhat speechless, which ironically speaks volumes of the man who always has something to say.

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December 1, 2021,

Dear Mark,

I often feel as I have known you for my entire career at the YMCA, while other times it feels as if you have just arrived just a few weeks ago.  It all depends upon where my mind wanders and reminisces of our moments in time together.  I’ve always said my written word is vastly better than my spoken word.  My reasoning is when I write, I have time to absorb and digest my words.  When I speak, I sense being cornered in, with all eyes are on me … which as you know, I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention.

So once again, the time has come for me to let another supervisor move along in their own journey and start a new chapter, bringing them closer to their, whatever destination.  Despite what you may believe, you were not just not another supervisor, you became part of my journey from the moment when we first crossed paths.  As you dissect apart my words, shake your head, maybe let out a smile, or a sigh, you just allowed yourself to show your feelings that so few of us ever see.  As you continue to read on, you will see how much of an effect you had on me.  I am certain the ripples you created, left others sharing the same sentiment, yet their spoken words seem to be buried deep within, as most do not know how to share them with you.

Let’s get started…

I suppose I shared with you in our many conversations, I had unofficially met you several years prior you coming down to South Florida.  I was introduced to you when Pam Jones worked with the Central Florida YMCA the first go around.  She was one of my many mentors who helped me when I took on implementing the frameworks of the first Human Resources Department for the YMCA of Broward County.  She provided me endless and countless resources and invited me up to the Central Florida YMCA on more than one occasion.  She spent time with me to learn how to create job descriptions, establish a wage plan using the Hay Plan, put together an employee handbook, coordinate a centralized on-boarding procedures and countless other items to help bring not only a professional appearance to our association but much needed consistency in policies and procedures.  Unfortunately, after the President/CEO who supported this effort moved on, the new President/CEO coming in decided more of a decentralized approach to operating the association.  The end result was a culturally laid-back organization which appeared unorganized, ineffective and filled with consistently inconsistent enforcement of policies and procedures resulting in unclear expectations of staff and a sense of confrontational competition between the family centers.

I remember being first introduced to you at one of the many times when you came into Pam’s office or when I represented the YMCA of Broward County in events which I was invited to.  These events varied from the opening of the Lake Nona YMCA Family Center to Camp Training at Camp Wewa or an Annual Open Enrollment Benefits to finally getting Central Florida to be represented at AYP Board Meetings.  All which helped me gain experience and exposure to bring back ideas on what we need to prioritize for implementation, back here in Broward.  Regrettably, once the new President/CEO came in and merged the two YMCAs in Broward into becoming simply, the YMCA of Broward County, those ideas were sidetracked and my role evolved in taking on a increased role of being a Contract Compliance Director for our grant funded programs.  My new responsibilities included writing grants, lead training staff on evaluating outcome performance, assist with preparing monthly billing and end of year reporting and be the go to person for our administrative audits by the grant funders.  Both these career paths further advanced my experiences and knowledge and presented me an opportunity to grow professionally without having to leave the YMCA.

By the time you have arrived here in the spring of 2014, I was forewarned about you through the YMCA channels of people I knew who worked with you in Central Florida and others who knew of the “Mark” you left on them.  Since I already met you, I really wanted to go in liking you from the beginning and give you the benefit of the doubt, but the storm of rumors of your whirlwind reputation landed before you finally arrived in person.  I was not afraid of you, nor was an intimidated by your presence since I have already met you.  You came in with the black hat and kept it on much longer than anyone ever did.  I tried to suppress my first gut reaction, but deep inside I knew here we go again, another new supervisor, coming in to make a whole lot of changes and eventually pack up their bags and move on to the next YMCA.  As many times before, these new supervisors come in like a tornado wanting to change everything we’ve done “wrong” and they are out to “right” all that we’ve done overnight.  Before we know it, we get new priorities and revamped jobs assigned and before we know it the cycle repeats itself.  With the remaining staff left cleaning up incomplete projects and left to figure out how to do or what to do with these incomplete pet projects that supervisor left behind.

When you and I finally officially met, it was definitely not on the best of terms.  I reported to a supervisor in payroll who protected me from the rest of the association office staff.  He knew how payroll systems worked not only on the client and end user end but on the internal finance backend.  However; he lacked the experience in administering and maintaining the benefits portion of the job.  The four previous payroll directors I worked with, he was the only one who never worked in a non-profit organization but had the most knowledge of payroll and labor laws.  His abrasiveness, mouth and attitude, well to say it politely, was heard and known throughout the entire association.  He made sure everyone knew where he stood for the good, the bad and the ugly.  A shameless plug, to Mrs. Schott, my high school AP literature teacher who always said, “… write in active voice, avoid clichés and be on point.”  I, digress, back to the payroll supervisor I was talking about.  The aforementioned, coupled with his ego was as large as he was, vocally not liking to be micromanaged and treated like the new kid on the block, I am certain helped expediate his departure before we were fully converted over to a new payroll system which he pushed for.  He touted this new system which he initiated the conversion to, was a much smaller company, less robust and less expensive than the larger national platform we left but would be a win for us in reducing our payroll processing fees.  I believe it was a larger win for the payroll company for them securing a large organization such as the YMCA of Broward County.

I recall the day you and others in the executive suite decided to terminate his employment.  As my supervisor was being terminated in another office, you pulled me aside to your office to inform me what was going on.  I remember being overly pissed off (major understatement!) and walking out of your office to cool off.  I felt once again, I was trapped in holding the responsibility as a department of one again.  I would be left with no one to guide me through year-end, be my support in a new payroll system and juggle handling benefits and being the day-to-day contact person for the department.  It all seemed like déjà vu, since 2006, like the four times prior.  Reflecting in all the years I worked in payroll, I spent more times being a department of one than I did working as a team with an immediate hands-on payroll/benefits director supervisor.  Eventually, I did cool off and after having a direct conversation with you about my history, you helped me get a modest increase, I accepted it and believe I proved my worth. 

Every time I took over the department, I improved it from the previous payroll/benefits supervisor whom I worked alongside with.  Under your direction, I worked through challenging times and tight deadlines, which recently included working as a team through the pandemic and helped the YMCA of South Florida not just get through the day-to-day but to go above and beyond in submitting various applications for federal programs to keep our agency afloat. Though my title and my pay never moved to what previous individuals earned, I once again became a department of one, taking on the additional workload being vacated by the absent director position but I gained more knowledge and have been able to handle just about any situation thrown at me with greater confidence and tried not to seek your approval for everything I did.  I came to you when I was uncertain how something would affect the association overall or could cause cascading issues within finance.

My background, as I often share, both academically and professionally have nothing related to finance or accounting but I was blessed to work with those who were willing to be patient to mentor and teach me.  Much of my knowledge I acquired was from my strong network of YMCA professionals and others in the legal and finance fields, self taught; both on-line and through trial and error and a handful of classes I took the initiative to take.  I brought about a significant improved level of credibility since our fraud incident by implementing a system of checks and balance, established internal controls and separation of duties.  I managed to add new systems to better track manual checks and payroll adjustments.  Under my leadership, payroll had maintained accurate records, coordinated timely reports for grants, auditors and key staff.  I helped implement various improvements in the HRIS system and albeit slowly, with your support, began to make changes in our culture by improving accountability in payroll processing from the employee who clocks in to the supervisor who approves the said time.

A handful of us who still keep in touch (many no longer working with the YMCA, ours or other associations) made a bet prior to your arrival.  We bet on how long will you stay before moving on and how many of the original staff working in the department will remain by time you depart.  The bet will be null and void should you have stayed longer than five years and/or if the department maintained at least two of the staff you started with.  The winner of the bet will have a dinner at a restaurant of their choice, at our first meet-up after you officially left employment with what is now the YMCA of South Florida.  I can see you have already calculated it out in your head and realized our bet is officially off.  You have lasted just over seven and half years and still have Shenna and I remain as your original staff.  Ironically, we are the last of the long tenured remaining pre-merged YMCA of Broward County employees who’ve seen the many changes in direction as well as experienced the most tumultuous changes in our organization.

When I continue to look back at our time together, I remember what I felt was the turning point, where I finally saw you reveal the human side of you.  It was when I returned to work after my father passed away.  I’ll never forget how you startled me as I was getting my morning cup of coffee after I returned to work on Monday after taking my bereavement leave and a few extra days to regroup.  When you spoke, I practically leaped out of my skin, I didn’t expect anyone to be literally behind me.  Your compassion and heartfelt words of sympathy provided comfort during a difficult point in my life.  I remember one of the recent years after my Dad’s passing you invited my Mom and I over to your home for Thanksgiving, I believe it was your way of ensuring we would not be alone for the holiday.  I thanked you for your invite, your warmth but politely declined your invitation knowing my Mom would much sooner stay home.  She would have told me to go ahead and accept the invite, but being my only immediate family in close proximity, I couldn’t leave her alone on this day that’s all about family.  Ironically, Thanksgiving Day was the day my Dad let go of his terrestrial life, he was not too loving of most the whole Thanksgiving food experience, he enjoyed the intentional meaning of the holiday.  He looked forward to celebrating Thanksgiving not only with their friends, but my friends as well, with no family nearby, to come over to our home and enjoy a family gathering filled with food and camaraderie.  Thanksgiving now takes on a whole new meaning and new traditions with Mom and I since my father’s passing.  We celebrate Thanksgiving with a morning sunrise walk on the beach and enjoy something he looked forward to every Sunday.  Either his favorite homemade omelet breakfast or lunch consisting of a hamburger and french fries from his favorite fast food restaurant.  On occasion, a few of those friends will call or stop by and reminisce Thanksgivings past and share cherished memories we created. 

Over time, I have gotten to know you and you have gotten to know me and my idiosyncrasies which I am sure, often drove you crazy.  However; you supported me in ways very few of my supervisors over thirty plus years ever did.  You provided me explanations to my why things have to be done certain ways and never just told me simply to do it.  You made yourself accessible even when I know you were overloaded with your own projects and responsibilities.  You always found time for me and were able to make me see the other side, so to speak, when the bombardment of supervisor errors thrown at me seemed to be excessive.  We both became infuriated at our HRIS provider’s lack of sense of urgency to clear our cases or even worse find someone who will actually see to it being handled from start to finish and making sure it works to our satisfaction.  Sometimes it was obvious, yet other times it was not quite as transparent, but in your own Mark Russell way you continued to check in on me and how I am holding up.  Sometimes it was through the e-mails of wisdom you sent out to the entire association, which often made me feel as if you were speaking directly to me.  Even though my acknowledgement of your e-mails went by the way side, I quietly saved them in my mailbox and printed out the ones that touched my heart and I often shared them with my Mom and my closest circle of friends.  Other times it was you just being there and just acknowledging me in a subtle greeting.  For this, words cannot express the warmth and gratitude I have for your genuine kindness.

Along with your presence, my two inner characters; tenacity and resilience remained by my side in all that I do.  They always seem to come prepared helping me keep balanced during my most challenging times.  They remained with me for a longer period than usual this time, they remained by my side for a few years but less than a decade. Arriving as my Dad’s health deteriorated to the point of him needing more assistance than Mom and I could handle to his peaceful passing.  They didn’t stray too far from me, as if they knew I will still need them.  They kept me and helped me remain strong with my mother’s recent diagnosis of breast cancer, the unexpected loss of my beloved dog and handling some of my own health issues.  Much like my two inner characters, there is someone in your life who knows you just enough to see everything differently than those closest to you or may personally know you the best.  It’s this someone, through the darkness, you begin to see light.  You, were that someone who knows me just enough and were my light during some of my darkest days and stood by me.  For this, I thank you.

My closing words…

I bet you’re thinking, finally, he’s done with this long winded story.  But guess what, it wouldn’t be me, without being the storyteller.  As you pen your own final words of this chapter of your life, it’s time to begin thinking how you wish to write the next one.  May I suggest you share how you will fill your time with mindful moments with your family and friends and create and celebrate memories.  By now you must know you not only left a legacy of your illustrious career but introspectively deep within you, you will find the impact you had on being the light in someone’s darkness.

Godspeed in your next journey,

Robert W Kovacs

Robert W Kovacs  

 

_________

My first impressions of you did hold true.
Arrogant at times, but rightfully so,
Right down to how your body language speaks.
Knowing your words are just as direct and,
Rarely misunderstood, you stand boldly.
Under the rough exterior revealing,
So few get to see your authentic side.
Someone genuine, someone spiritual,
Even after thinking they know you.
Lasting impressions and my final words,
Leave me speechless and a better person.