I’M THE RINGMASTER OF MY OWN PARADE

Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist from NYU psychologist uses an amazing analogy of the rider, the elephant and the path as it relates to how the rational and emotional parts of the brain often contradict each other and have to be taught to work together to get to their final destination. I am not here to give you a psychology lesson but my lesson learned from this story. If I caught your interest in this topic, read more about it by searching either the author or the analogy.

Those who follow me regularly know by now I do not do New Year’s Resolutions as I think they are intentionally set up for failure and often leave you worse off before making the resolution. On the same note, the last couple of years have had some major obstacles and detours, as a result I gained weight and felt totally discouraged with my journey. I’ve seen and heard commericials for Noom as a new way to lose weight and to keep it off, at a fair cost with no special foods or supplements. I was game to try.

I’ve heard of the analogy aforementioned before, but never took notice to how it can apply to my life or my way of looking at challenges I face, especially those in terms of food. So let’s get talking about my parade (yes, this is what a herd of elephants are called) and the ones I have so far encountered while using Noom for almost six months. I differ in one view, not all elephants are menacing or evil, there are actually ones who are helpful and supportive.

Each one was discovered on an island of Noom de Robb. They were at one time thought to be a lost sub species of the African and Indian variety but as I explored the island, this new breed called a Noom elephant was discovered. As I got to know the parade, I learned how they all play together, even the ones with bad traits, they learn to play nicely with the good ones (more often than not). Before I came to this island, I only heard about elephants with a bad trait/attitude and the destruction they can do when you piss them off, not the parental traits they show on television nature shows.

I am the rider, the rational one, but my elephants are the emotional one. Yes, they do contradict each other, and often at that.

So here’s the elephants in my first parade I encountered…

· Ali - the all or nothing
· Portia - the portion distorter one
· Stella - the stressed one
· Patty - the patient procrastinator
· Carol - the carb craver
· Hugo - the always hungry one
· Wendy - the weekend warrior
· Willy - the willpower
· Jolly - the junk food eater
· Wilma - the worrier one
· Henrietta - the helpful one
· Walter - the whatever one
· Leticia - the let it go one
· Mindy - the mindful one
· Reba - the remuniater one
· Denny - the determined one
· Thomas - the tenacious one
· Robert - the resilient one
· Beau - the boastful one
· Stephenie – the submissive one
· Matty – the motherly figure one
· Fred – the fatherly figure one

I am certain after reading my list, you probably ask why most my elephants females? Parades of elephants are mostly led by a matriarch of a group of related females with their young. In this tale, the male elephants are juveniles. These traits are still being learned or skills I have not quite mastered but are dominant ones in my personality.

For my entire journey, I must not only clear the path for the elephant, but I need to reduce any obstacles which may block the journey’s path. As the rider, I have to lead the change I want to see and provide clear direction and know how to get to the my final destination by finding ways to stay one step ahead and continually motivate my parade of elephants along the path.

On a serious note, how’s Noom treating me?

In a nutshell,

I learned how to better understand my hunger, how to visualize portion control and learn to be more mindful to enjoy the eating experience. I kept off 12.50 pounds since starting in January - I say kept off not lost, because that weight didn’t come back. Lost and found is an additional 5 pounds that keep getting lost and finds me back - I am certain I will begin to keep those off too. My last doctor visit saw my A1C drop from 6.9 in September 2020 to 6.1 in May 2021.

But the elephants have allowed me to remain mindful today, try not to worry about tomorrow or remuniate my yesterdays. They also helped me better understand my emotional brain and interacts with my rational brain.

Need I say more?

This is just the start, as I learn, slow and steady wins the race and I am certain I will find another parade of elephants in the course of my not only my journey in Noom, but my journey in life. One last piece of advice I learned rather quick once I not only experienced it but became mindful of its presence … it’s always easier to guide an elephant to the path, than it is to push it from the rear.

 

 

DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE MY HERO?

For my regular readers of my blog, they have gotten to know you, my parents. They have been by my side throughout my life’s journey; whether physically and now spiritually that Dad is no longer here terrestrially speaking. I feel I have neglected to talk about you, my mother in my blogs. Even though you played an equal or more role in my becoming the man I am today, this was intentional, like me, I know you doesn’t like to be the center of attention, but in this case you deserve it, bright lights and the stage all to yourself!

I know you don’t do social media, let alone don’t care for learning more technology than you absolutely need to. Along with this post and a great current picture of us together in Key West in 2020 is definitely going to make you a little uncomfortable, but its you not recognizing your own greatness that you own. You may inevitably learn about it from one of my readers, even before I undeniably tell you that I did post this and the picture, I will make no apologies for throwing you into center stage.

You are my one and only birth Mom and remains my greatest cheerleader when my cards weren’t playing good and also was my amazing rock when things fell apart for me but most importantly, you have always been there for me. I always hope I done you proud in all that I achieved and have accomplished. The credit is yours, as you are the one who along with Dad, raised me. Yet, there are so many things only you could have taught me, most simply by being the great person you are.

I always thought of you as the super mom you saw on television families of the 1960s to early 1980s sitcoms. You know the type, the mother who stayed at home saw the children and husband off in the morning with a packed lunch, kept the household running like a well maintained machine then greeted their children home from school and later her husband with a freshly cooked dinner prepared for all of us and then clean-up and then wind down the night with some television only to repeat it all again tomorrow. I think you had the hardest job of keeping the household running like the well maintained machine running most hours, seven days a week without fail. You always made it look like it was without any effort to do it all. I don’t think I ever really saw you take a sick day, only recently I have seen you slow down, but yet to actually take a sick day.

What makes my Mom a super mom? Where do I start…

I earned my two strongest traits from you. My resilience and my tenacity. You proved over and over again your resilience by bouncing back from a major auto accident to double hip replacements and so many other hurdles. You are probably much stronger physically than I ever will be. You continue to bounce back and still do all the things you used to do, albeit not in all one day as you are used to doing, but still manage to get everything done. More often than not, I just get tired from just hearing all the things you manage to get done over a week. Your tenacity has gotten you further than any formal education or career path ever could; yet, the college of life and a well rounded career of skills learned served you in all that you do.

Without fail as far back as I can recall, we always had time together as a family, over a home cooked dinner. We always waited for my Dad to come home from work before we ate dinner. This was the time we shared our day; mostly mine how school went. As I grew older and remained home during my college years, eating together became a challenge with my job and classes at all hours and increasing social opportunities at both work and school. However; we still tried to eat dinner as a family several times a week. In our case, our small family of three sat together for dinner most every night with the rare exception of my Dad or the latter me working late or most recently, went out for a low key celebration of a life milestone.

It goes without saying all my friends have always had a strong sense of feeling welcomed as family when they came over to our home. You was always were there with a smile and in turn my friends genuinely enjoyed talking with you. My closest friends often felt comfortable enough in our family that they became my extended family. To this day, my friends always ask how your doing and when visiting, we have to make time for a visit , not because its obligatory but because they genuinely care about you. Both of you always welcomed my friends rave what great parents I have. This only reaffirmed what I already knew.

Our home was not filled with extravagant furnishings but was filled with the comforts of being a home. There was not an ounce of pretentious sign of trying to be better than our neighbors just signs of comfort and a home built on strong foundations of love. We can all define love by similar terms but we also express it differently. There was not a single friend of mine or my parents who came over that wasn’t embraced with genuine feeling of the warmth by their love.

In later years, as Dad’s health was on a steady decline after battling multiple health issues, you found your inner strength to become his primary caretaker and health care surrogate. You made sure Dad got to all his medical appointments (there were a whole lot of them!) and ensuring all his other needs were met. After many years of being a caretaker and Dad’s health challenges began to impact your own health, we both had to make the difficult decision to have Dad be admitted to a skilled nursing facility. It was the third most difficult decision we made together, I am sure you felt as you failed as his caretaker despite how long you continued to put your own personal health aside and took your needs second. In reality, my Dad’s health needs surpassed your ability to provide him the quality of care he needed and we needed someone who could provide more than the two of us combined could.

As a super Mom, your ability to be simply and unconditionally being present for me in person or never farther than a phone call away. This is what makes my you all the more exceptional, as I always came first before your own needs were met, you sacrificed more than you will ever get in return. My debt to you is paid back in terms of the love I return.

I often question did I ever tell you that you’re my hero? Maybe not in those exact words, but I often added my words to the countless flashy or sentimental store bought greeting cards I would get for your birthdays, anniversaries and holidays to give to you. There have been plenty of cards where my words left us both speechless with the only sound were the silent tears streaming down your face.

On this Mother’s Day I would be remiss to not recognize all the many wonderful women in my life who are became my Mom by all they do and continue to be there for me. The countless teachers who meant the world to me, by not only educating me from the basics to the complex but being a compassionate listener with an unbiased ear and always available. Then there were my work Mom’s who took time to refine my career skills by providing mentoring, guidance and tools of the trade and helped grow me to the professional I am today.

Lastly, but not any less important were my friends’ mothers, by virtue of lifelong friendships they always looked out for me, treated me as members of their own family and will always have my back as well. For these Mom’s, I thank you and love each and everyone of you and am humbled with pride having you by my side, as we walk along my journey in life and wish you a Happy Mother’s Day today and everyday.

MANAGING THE HIGHS AND LOWS

It’s all about balance.

Looking back at both 2019 and 2020 was one of my worst couple of years I had and Covid-19 was the cherry on the sundae of those two years. A plethora of very stressful events occurred in my life and melted me down to my core. It seems like large pity party was being held in the pit of my stomach and in the deepest trenches of my mind. Typically, when I sense these feelings coming on, my tenacity and resilience remind me I am have overcome adversity before and to focus on be mindful.

Almost a whole year before the pandemic settled in and made its global impact, I had to have surgery to repair a double meniscus tear. Prior to the surgery, I was only going to my YMCA family center on a limited basis as the intense pain made it nearly impossible to do much of anything. The surgery was successful and I slowly began to return to my workout schedule. More on that later…

In March 2020 not only the seriousness of the pandemic begin to close things down, but changes began to happen overnight. My local YMCA family center only served as an essential employees child care center and the other amenities were non operational.

With all world basically coming to a stop, I stopped watching what and how I ate, meds changed and stopped exercising when the Y closed and I gained more weight than I thought from a combination of all aforementioned things. Other priorities, other than myself begin to unfold and not necessarily to the betterment of me.

I vowed to go back in August to get back to working out twice a week for 40 minutes and by January 1, committed to five times a week. I made a change to start steering my life back in control after several really rough, challenging years. It was actually my August blog post, that I shared here Yesterday 08, After 03, Today 20. Encrypted was the start date 08.03.20 but with meaning yesterday ended 8 years of putting everyone but me first, 3 years which were really rough my resilience again carried me through.

According to Covey, takes 21 days to form a habit, so today I make a promise for I will work on a better me and make a better life for me. I didn’t realize how much my body wasted away as just the simple exercises in the beginning had me winded and uncomfortable. It’s like my body forgot everything and became more comfortable in its lazy state.

Furthermore, I didn’t realize how much my body missed my morning abuse with a personal trainer. I determined to commit to investing into a personal trainer, not because I don’t know my way around a fitness center, but I need someone who will push me a step or more than I would do myself and hold me accountable each session. This allowed me to start putting me as priority, started to watch how much I eat. The weight is slowly coming off (with help of Noom), clothes fit better, more feeling better days than not and blood sugars are better.

I started Noom in early January got back to portion control etc and eating on schedule. After a month on a new focus on eating I find I am eating less and and second thinking extra and excessive portions.

I never believed in New Year Resolutions because often they are highly unattainable rather than small timely goals we can meet. I am still at it - feeling better as a result. I am 10 pounds down so far with a way to go but confident I will keep it off as I am learning how to better cope with stress and learning to have a better understanding and relationship with food. It has become my routine, my habit and when I don’t do it, the guilt as well as I am overcome with malaise.

Having a diabetes, a chronic condition, I was excited to have my A1C go from 8.9 to 6.6 with a balance of nutrition, medication and wellness - however with control came weight gain. I am so flustered that my A1C dropped and I gained weight. Even 3 surgeries, I managed to jump back to the gym as best as I could to do the right thing.

Prior to the challenging years, I was in good control with A1Cs between 6.5 and 7.0. I lost a considerable amount of weight which I attributed to my bicycling but turned out my control was lost and my A1C steadily increased until I hit nearly 10.0. During my last few years of battling highs which were a challenge to bring down with oral medication, I was put on insulin and my A1C is back to a safe zone between 6.8 snd 7.0.

Ok, as most of you know I am the storyteller…so continuing on…

Since I started this, my blood sugars began to drop significantly where I am having less numbers above 180 and more numbers below 120. There are plenty of days we’re I went low 65-90 even after eating - which I ended up having to eat some fruit or take a few glucose tablets to bring it up to a comfortable level before proceeding to exercise or go to bed. My first quarterly appointment since 08.03.20 is Thursday and I anticipate my A1C will have dropped from the previous 6.9 in early September and hope to see the scale down a few pounds too.

As a diabetic, I know what and how to eat so I don’t spike or crash but remain at a consistent constant. I know what and when and how much meds to take to do the same. I know increasing physical activity and reducing my stress levels help me remain healthy. I know a lot more about my diabetes and how I react to it physically and mentally than the next closest relative to me, so what makes you think you know better?

It is just the one unexpected item that threw me off balance - whether it spiked me or crashed me or in this case I did both twice within one day. Recently, I woke up to a high of 164 when the night before i was in range at 123. No reason other than woke up half hour earlier. Took my meds - 15u of humalog and ate a balanced breakfast with approximately 30g carbs. When it came to do a post prandial check two hours later I was 49. Oddly, I didn’t feel I was low, so I rechecked and was the same. I took glucose tabs then raised my levels and resumed what I was doing.

The whole rest of the day I dwelled on what may have caused this and then to add to the drama a repeat performance. Post lunch numbers dropped after my meal but before bed spiked again for no apparent reason. Dinner was balanced and didn’t have any treats after dinner.

It’s those little things as a diabetic that frustrate me - not the diets, not checking my blood glucose (BG), not having to give a shot, not people thinking they know better than me. It’s the unexpected BG readings when you think you think, “I got this!” and your demeanor is instantly shattered because you now feel diabetic defeat rather that victorious. Despite the pandemic, life has been pretty good to me but I still ponder over worry on things beyond my control. But with my numbers so different than previous years I started to worry if I have other health issues going on, worry about what’s going on at work and all the changes our country is going through.

For this reason alone, I try to let yesterday remain there, live for today and worry only about tomorrow - well tomorrow so I can enjoy the highs of my life while managing the lows of blood glucose and weight.

CROSSING THE BRIDGE OF LIFE

Never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think when I left work on Friday, March 13, 2020, our world, the entire Earth, would come to a complete stand still. It’s been a year since COVID-19 spread its tentacles throughout the world, creating the pandemic. The days, weeks, months all became a blur of the year 2020, in its path created a new way of living. I think many of us thought initially our employers would shut down operations for a week, maybe two – disinfect all of our contact points and reopen sparkling clean and ready to pick back up where we left off. When the schools decided to close down and go to a virtual learning environment (literally overnight), I knew the way we lived yesterday will change indefinitely from this day forward.

I have been working remotely from home since March 17, 2020 and go into my office once a week. Initially, I would go in on Saturday, to avoid contact with anyone but after a month or so I started to go in on Fridays to drop off current week’s work and pick up the next week’s workload. It also provided me some much needed in person human interaction albeit socially distant and have as necessary any one-on-one with my supervisor. I don’t think any of us realized how much of an impact our social life revolves around our work circles and how much we miss the water cooler chats, the girly gossip, the manly sports debriefing and even the daily drama drudge by the coffee machine.

This seems to be a recurring theme in my journey, as is in many other posts, but it always bears repeating, I don’t live my life with regrets as there is no rewind or redo but only to make the difference forward in life. A large lesson learned from this pandemic, my introvert tendencies remained intact however; the lack of actual physical contact with my immediate inner circle of colleagues and friends left me feeling quite lonely at times.

However, in this case its not as much regret and being lonely as the pandemic gave me an opportunity to reflect back on my life and some of the consequences of choices I made. I looked back at my high school years, I wished I would have gotten to know many of my classmates better back then. I see many of them who formed tight bonds of lifelong friendships from growing up together since elementary school. I moved down here in Grade 7 but had to restart my social circle twice, once in Grade 7 when we first moved down to Miami from just outside of Detroit. Then again, a year later when moved out of Miami and to Hollywood at the start of Grade 8. My high school class was an exceptional group of eclectic cliques who for the most part got along with each other. Many of my classmates and I chat with regularly on social media or exchange pleasantries at our reunions, but a few we call each other regularly to exchange holiday greetings, celebrate birth dates or just to catch up and reminisce or sometimes to make plans to meet and catch up while vacationing near each other.

Social media has a bad habit of pushing those close to you further way but also can bring those far away closer and with the pandemic we were introduced to Zoom. Do you remember the cartoon the Jetsons from the 1960s? Think of the video-telephone concept and all the other gadgets that came to fruition from that show alone…I am sorry, I wondered off again…back to my post.

Prior to the escalation of the pandemic, my Dad’s brother (for common terms – my Uncle Josef’s) oldest son, Kornél and his wife, Éva and two son’s Zoltán and Peter came to visit us here, in Florida for their very first to the United States. I was able to take off almost two full weeks of work and play tour guide in my own backyard during their visit. As you probably noted, I referred to my father’s family in terms as if they were not related to me. I often refer to much of my family (both my father’s side and mother’s side equally) still residing in Hungary in this way. I do this not out of disrespect, but most of them I only got to know for a brief visit when I went to Hungary in 1990. During my visit, I met countless relatives from both sides of the family with very brief visits at their homes. It was easier to get to know who’s who by referring to which side of the family they are from and how make up our family tree. This includes Kornél (his wife or sons weren’t in the picture then) whom I met almost 30 years earlier when I sat in the front seat as he drove Mom and I around for a tour around Lake Balaton. Other than my parents, my other closest family would be few cousins and their parents (who are now deceased) in Toronto which I’ve known all my life. One cousin had children of his own. My Mom’s late half brother had a daughter (another cousin), who now resides outside of Denver, Colorado. These cousins and I keep in somewhat contact and keep updated in each other’s life through social media.

I digress, during this pandemic, I was able to have a year filled with self-reflection, mindfulness and self-reflection. Much of it came down to a lot of introspection of my own life. It is easier to place blame on the pandemic than to seeing I am now over 50 years-old, I seemed to have more time to be more focused on myself. Here goes nothing...summation of what my year of thoughts on friends and family.

The bridge of adulthood needs to continually maintained, repaired and sometimes parts replaced. When I was young, I didn’t realize all the pieces the bridge required in building it, let alone the effort it takes to keep it operational. When I was young, the bridge of friends came easily through sharing commonalities of classes, lunch periods and simpler times. As I got older, these commonalities and time seemed to get narrower as my experiences and my social circle broadened and those close childhood friendships became more of nostalgic memories.

Since becoming an adult, I have always said life gets in the way of living and definitely life is not the adulthood I signed up for. Not that my life is anywhere close to being dysfunctional or horrible, it is just not up to the hype which movies, television and even social media make it out to be. I think turning back the hands of time and return to the basics of what makes a complete life needs to introduced in school and not allow social media to raise this next generation from birth with expectations of how their bridge of life will be built perfectly for them. Our next generation is in for quite a rude awakening from their adolescence as they face the real world when they realize social media didn’t provide them the tools to build, maintain and repair the life’s bridge.

As I get older I find myself more distant from friends and family as we all get caught up in the daily grind of our lives; raising families, caring for aging family, maintaining the house responsibilities, working our jobs/careers etc and we often forget our friends and family who can be our support and them as well. I started examining the bridge closely, finding more often than not, the bridge is in disrepair. Not only is the original paint job’s luster long lost but the rivets holding the beams together are rusting and cracking, suspension cables are less taut and the road is filled with pot holes of varying sizes and depths.

Armed with my toolbelt, I begin to repair and restore my bridge to its original opulence. I begin to bring its brilliance back with a fresh coat of paint and watch it shine in the sun’s light. One at a time, I replace the rusting rivets with sparkling silver ones and subsequently stretch the suspension cables to the right firmness. I fixed and filled the potholes and repaved the road, allowing for a smooth crossing over to the other side. I look back at my finished work with pride, the bridge, almost as good as new, and with just as much strength, I hope to maintain the bridge over time and not let time take over. There may not be a next time, where I may be as fortunate to save the bridge from years of neglect with only remnants of sentimental memories of what once was, much like my childhood memories.

Sometimes, the best lessons in life are not taught through a formula ridden algebra book or the language arts book filled with sentence trees; but returning to the basics of feeling of something greater than yourself, guides your journey through life. The difference you make in one person’s life simply by being genuine, sharing a smile, taking time to care and of utmost importance, be true to yourself. Take time to be thankful and remind friends and family more often on how much and what they mean to you. It’s serves us both well to keep in touch with our friends and family, near and far and finally keep our own bridges in good repair and enjoy those in our lives and those who add to it. It’s in time, we find the longer the bridge remains in good repair and operational, we will always know that when its our turn to cross over to the other side, we can look back with a comfortable stride in our walk, knowing in the end, we indeed lived a life well lived.

DRAGONS IN THE DUNGEON

For many of us South Broward High School graduates, Olsen Middle School was where we transferred in from. As I drove home from my workout this morning, I see they’re finally bringing down the old campus. More than 20 years ago, a new Olsen Middle School was built literally next door to the former campus. The old campus was not setup with one-point entry but multiple halls and loggias and if memory serves me right, small, dark outdated furnished classrooms which all individual window rattler A/Cs and archaic heaters. When I posted on Facebook a picture of the old school being torn down, I tried with much difficulty to keep my feelings somewhat neutral, but I stood firm saying something to the effect its sentimental seeing part of your life being torn down. After my post, many of my friends shared similar feelings as the ones I held deep inside. It was only then I shared my memories and later decided to make it part of my blog.

I don’t have too many memories of Grade 8 there as I was coming in as an out of state student, had the very last picks of electives, put in remedial classes because of delayed record transfers, cliques and difficulty making new friends, etc. Good thing was after my Mom haggled with the principal; I was able to get into a computer class. I came into the class feeling I knew more than the teacher and knew of a few others who felt the same. It wasn’t having an arrogant adolescent attitude as much as I often felt this teacher had technophobia. As I think of it now, looking back, I wonder did she become more tech savvy or is she still stuck in the early days of technology? In 2021, you see everyone staring down at devices having more technology extending beyond our teenage imaginations and the first computers we used back in the early 1980s.

For the most part, I have more unpleasant and horrible memories from Olsen than all my other years from kindergarten to Grade 6 and all of high school. Grade 7 remains another story for another post. It wasn’t until Grade 8, I didn’t want to go to school not because I was not feeling well or wanted to avoid a test but because I truly not only hated but despised everything about Olsen. It was then I learned to skip classes just to avoid having to be on campus, around both teachers and students alike and then being confined to a dark, dreary campus resembling more of a detention center for delinquents. I was never caught skipping that year, perhaps administration knew, nobody wanted to be there. I am sure I was one of many generations who walked those same halls who probably felt those years were best looked back as the lost years, or even better the forgotten years.

My parents moved from the suburbs of Detroit to the heart of Miami at the start of Grade 7 and moved to Hollywood at the start of Grade 8. I came to Olsen after a somewhat gap year in Grade 7 (remember, perhaps a story for another post). Although suburban Detroit was differently diverse than south Florida, I knew what it was like to live amongst people of different nationalities, religions, races etc than I was. In fact, our neighbor was an African-American police officer. When we moved here and I went to Olsen, I learned what the racial divide was; with one set of kids (like me) lived far from the wrong side of railroad tracks while others lived there in an awful paint-schemed looking military barracks with sparse dried landscaping. It was the first time I felt a distinct separation of people based on differences. It was also the first time I was bullied and heckled and called Cracker and White Boy, along with other names I’ve suppressed.

My day often started with bullying in the morning when I rode the school bus. It was probably even worse than I chose to remember. I was mostly teased with numerous nicknames and with an occasional ear flick, as signaling to instigate a fight. The bus driver kept her eyes on the road and not all the horrible things going on behind her seat. She often pulled the bus over and attempted with no success to gain control of the students. I never understood how in a classroom we have one teacher for 30 students, but accept a bus driver with no other adult is expected to maintain control with 50 plus students while driving a multi-ton school bus. Go figure.

Once I arrived at school, the bullying escalated, as if the school bus bullies passed the torch to the campus bullies. Nothing makes a bully happier than seeing a new victim. Being the new kid with no friends and sitting just outside of the teacher’s peripheral vision, my desk was tipped, my ears were flicked, spitballs thrown my way, poked fun at because of my Sasquatch appearance (early onset puberty had me hairier than most - hence why no showers) and the list of bullying incidents seemed endless.

I remember Coach Nelson, the physical education teacher (can still see his evil smile when it was time to paddle someone). Did I mention how I looked like Sasquatch? He even tried to paddle me because I wouldn’t dress out for class than finally, I did dress out, but I wouldn’t shower after class. My bullies took my clothes (which were mostly made by Mom and not store bought) and threw it in the shower making me have to go back to class in my sweat drenched physical education uniform. This happened more than once and nothing was done by the school despite my mother intervening.

As I mentioned earlier, I was placed in several remedial classes. I was bored in most of my classes and my attention deficit disorder often interfered from keeping focused on the teacher’s lecture. I wish my parents and I knew what attention deficit disorder was back then, but we only knew the bad students had it and that’s what caused all the problems. My grades reflected lack of focus and boredom and didn’t reflect my actual knowledge or abilities in the subject matter. My behavior was not a problem, but if I didn’t like a teacher I would often drift off to my own thoughts, my lack of participation during class or doing homework then sum up my grade to just barely making a C average. I can only name one – maybe two teachers by name and subject who I liked in Grade 8 who kept me focused and wanting to learn. This often only reinforced my “need to be remediated” and have teachers often look at me nothing more than another delinquent rather than the student who needed additional stimulation to keep me focused.

Those same bullies, along with lunchtime bullies grabbed my brown bagged lunch out of my hand, ripped the bag open, spilled my lunch contents to the ground and then excitedly stomped all over it. After another (not sure how many) incidents of this, for whatever reason I remember the kind lady from the library saw this happen and let me eat lunch in the library from then on. She even allowed me to use the Apple computers, in what I remember was an old dusty a/v closet, until it was time to go to my next class.

I really tried to avoid using the restrooms between classes. Not only were the restrooms filthy and in need of much repair, but the most basic supplies of running water as opposed to dribbling water, working or replaced soap dispensers and disposable hand towels and toilet paper were often lacking. Paper products were often used in a contest to see how many can decorate the restroom ceiling before they fell down. I often asked for a pass to the restrooms after attendance was taken in either my class before lunch or after class. This was mostly to avoid the cesspool congregation of show offs smoking, bullies waiting for their target or to possibly meet a new one and the bold restroom flashers. I think I forget to mention an important thing missing from all the restrooms on campus was there were no partitions between urinals and even worse no partitions between the stalls or doors and for obvious reasons most teenage boys avoided using urinals.

Then it was time for dismissal and an encore performance from the school bus bullies on the way home. I often worried I would miss my bus stop not only because I was forced to sit in the back of the bus but because they resisted in letting me off when it was my time to disembark.

This cycle continued with a different set of characters throughout the entire year, even with my class schedule being changed for the second half of the year. These memories, just scratched the surface of my Grade 8 memories. I am sure if I took more time to dwell, more would come bubbling to the surface, begging to be addressed.

As I pass by the Olsen Middle School each day, I watch more of the buildings beginning to be slowly torn down. I reflect on my one year there and feel the many ghosts and skeletons it created finally being set free after several decades being buried deep within me. I can only imagine over the years, the countless others who shared and felt the same as I did, with many having difficulty setting free these memories. Either way, there is something sentimental about seeing part of your life’s journey literally crumble. All those transpired events in our lives, like it or not helped guide and mold us into the adults we are today, whether for the good or the bad of the order it still remains a part of our journey.

Now, go on, carry on and get back to your regular programming, I really don’t wish to be the only one having to battle more of the dragons in the dungeon.

STITCHING THE SEAMS OF DEMOCRACY AND FREEDOM

January 7, 2021

Dear President Trump:

I am a proud first-generation American. I consider myself to be an independent voter; slightly conservative but often have agreed to liberal items as well. As I shared in my letter to President-Elect Biden, I like to consider myself the gradient of Bright Red and Prussian Blue on Bob Ross’s pallet hitting the blank canvas for the first time. However; that being said, that’s another story for another time. When I voted for you back in November 2016, it was because I was tired of what you call the “Washington DC Swamp” and I refer to as the career politicians consumed by lobbyists and those corrupted by complacencies of lifelong service. I believed in you as a non-career politician who would be more advantageous in rebuilding our nation after eight years of a stagnant Obama/Biden administration.

There is no doubt the Presidential Election of 2020 was our most divisive in our nation’s history and likely will never know if there were any fails in the election process. If you, President Trump or Mr Biden are the best of what America had to bring as the top contenders for the nomination of your respective parties, it either tells us the smarter ones would not subject themselves to a position filled with as much adversity or those actually deciding to campaign for President, as ones seeking the final position in fulfilling the definitive Peter Principle.

When I voted for you in the November 2020 election it was not because you were in touch with my own beliefs and values but because I felt you were the better choice to keep our country out of the hands of the progressive, socialist democrats. I strongly believe our founding fathers made the Constitution to be not only durable but flexible and interpretive to stand the winds of time. I do believe "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” and will always prevail victorious.

I want to make it completely clear, I was never a fan of you prior to your choice to run for President. I do not particularly like your self-fulfilling ego, your unpolished public speaking skills and your way of encouraging and enabling your supporters. I hoped your business intellect would shake up our politicians enough to get us back to making our country the greatest country in the world by not by pretentious claims but by being able to stand up and stand out proudly by our national achievements and our contributions to being a better global steward.

I voted for you again in November 2020, President Trump because I felt at this time our country didn’t need an apologetic, spoken mentor, a war hero or a role model to look up to nor a genial friend. For President, I wanted someone not afraid to take ownership and do what it takes to make our country succeed by being a strong leader who isn’t afraid to stand up to both domestic and international bullies and kick some ass when needed. We needed someone not afraid to take ownership and make our country succeed by making us priority and begin to effectively drain the proverbial swamp. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty more I disagree with you than I agree with you, but your faults didn’t impede on what were some legitimate successes you brought to our nation.

When I heard the election results the following morning, I felt strongly the American people lost in this election. Either way, the integrity of our election process will forever be questioned by not the Democrats or the Republicans of this nation, but the Americans who make up this nation. Our country will require more than one presidential term to unify our country after the division which tore us apart at the very seams that kept us together. My guess it will take another generation, a new generation of politicians who hold their position to the highest regard and act as first class statesmen or stateswomen and look out for the nation’s best interest not their own.

However; the legitimate successes in “Making America Great Again” you brought to our nation over your term as President was totally wiped out with your opting to do nothing but play chief bully since days post-election and then proved it again as the siege on the Capitol was playing out on live television in front of a global audience. Yesterday’s incident at the Capitol was a test of what your legacy will be as the 45th President of the United States of America. If anything, this brought the majority of Americans of both political parties together to rally against you with a small fragment of loyalists standing by you.

As I continued scanning various channels on my television and intermittently reading news while browsing the internet, my heartaches for us, us as Americans, not us as Republicans or Democrats or Independents, but us as Americans. Over the summer, the mass media opted to spin it against you and reported the riots as peaceful protesting; but reported yesterday’s events as our nation was being shaken to at its very core as these hoodlums who took over the grounds of the Capitol as if it were a third world government coup. In this case I believe, much like most Americans, the video and pictures spoke, in this case more than 1000 words. How are we are supposed to stand proud and be the beacon why people want to come and find opportunity in our country when our own elected President is not leading by example? I strongly believe, Americans as a whole are compassionate, charitable and hospitable people and not the mobsters at the Capitol, who placed our nation under what appears to be a national siege under their mercy.

The Biden/Harris platform blame you, President Trump for fanning the flames of racism and hatred and making me a white American male born to legally immigrant parents needing to apologize for white privilege rather than being celebrated for living the American dream. I grasped opportunities which many take for granted as Americans. Although, I whole-heartedly disagree of you being a person filled with enough hatred to be discriminatory or prejudice against any person. Nevertheless, your tweets often were heard as rally cries for radical racists in our country to surface and act as domestic terrorists. You should have toned down your tweets considerably and used the technology to engage your followers positively. The use of Twitter with your following could have been put to better use by addressing your successes, building harmony and constructing consensus amongst both political parties as opposed to all the negative tweets attacking mainstream media, making fun of political adversaries, creating division and the countless other destructive tweets.

It’s worth reminding you President Trump, both democracy and freedom are foundations of what marks our country as great. It has been stated democracy has to be learned by each generation and President Reagan said, “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. It has to be fought for and defended by each generation.” When it’s time for you to leave the White House for the last time, I hope you realize your presidency was not about you. Your legacy you leave will have left its mark in history but our Constitution will always be stitching the seams of democracy and freedom for future generations to come.

As President Kennedy said, “Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.” I hope President-Elect Biden helps build the bridge to bring politicians from both sides to of the aisle to work together and do what’s right for us as Americans and for our country and not his own selfish dividing interests. I hope history will speak better of you as a person than your most recent actions as President of the United States of America. But for now, I pray for the Biden/Harris Administration success, not because I support their agenda, because our democracy and freedom depend upon it, because divided, we as a nation will fail, as will us as Americans.

Sincerely,
Robert W Kovacs
Robert W Kovacs
first generation American, proud patriot

CHAPTER 51… THE NEXT HALF OF MY LIFE

Even though, not every December birthday has become an entry into my blog, it has always been the opening of a new chapter of my journey. As I open Chapter 51, I smell the paper of a clean page slating to begin my 51st trip around our sun. I look back in amazement and still wonder where all the years dissolved to, as it seems like only yesterday many of us were in classes together in high school and a few of you I’ve known since my elementary school years in Wayne, MI and then there are those of you who were my extended family at our cottage in Muskoka, Ontario and I never knew a day without you being part of it. I am marking this to be a year filled with reflection on my perseverance, unwavering resolve, gratitude for all I have and appreciation of those in my life.

At my last look on my cell phone at 11:00pm last night, over 300 individual reached out to me either through Facebook posts, phone calls, texts and e-mails too, all wishing me a happy birthday. I want to thank everyone for your birthday wishes. Each birthday wish and every one brought back some memory - or more than one memory. I am blessed to have you all part of my journey on this spaceship we call, Earth. I may not pickup the phone enough to call each of you regularly or even semi-regularly. We may not have always agreed on certain conversations but I know we can say we took time to hear each other and be respectful to each other’s views at the same time. It appears every time when we do get to talk with each other, not only am I ever so grateful we did, but surprisingly, we are able to pick-up exactly where we left off, without skipping a beat.

Those closest to me, already know 2019 was not one of my better years for all that I went through with several surgeries, the great flood in my condo and some other taxing issues. When 2020 rolled around and Covid took over the world, I prociaimed Covid became the cherry on my ice cream sundae. A couple weeks into the fresh new year 2020, I unexpectedly had to help my Li’l Girl, KC cross over the rainbow bridge at almost 19 and still feeling the painful loss almost a year later. The better part of the year was when my Dad’s brother’s (my uncle) oldest son and his wife and teenage sons came to visit Mom and I. This was there first time traveling to the US, never mind Florida and for the most part, I really enjoyed getting to know a part of my family and playing tour guide despite my horrific Hungarian communication skills. I met this cousin 30 years ago in Siofok, Hungary when he drove my Mom and I, along with his Dad around the Lake Balaton. This was the first and only time I met him and his brother and my Dad’s brother and sister in law, along with the majority of both my Dad and Mom’s families of which they too, have not seen since they left Hungary many years prior.

Notwithstanding the pandemic of 2020, I am a firm believer it pays to be positive, because everything has a positive spin. My teachers would comment on progress reports, “Robert’s strength…”, “Robert is flexible…”, “Robert is determined…”, “Robert’s drive to succeed...” which later came from one of my favorite supervisor’s annual review used the words of “resilience and tenacity as being hallmarks of his character which is rarely scene in today’s generation.” This was often tied together with words of require redirection or words of areas I needed to improve, but as I like to say, another story for another post. Over the years, this continues to remain my trademark signature of character not only in my career but in my life as a whole. Often these positive words helped me get through the toughest times of my life; but it has definitely been beneficial through this recent pandemic and taught me lessons which put a positive spin on the pandemic. In light of the not using the many clichés for the Covid-19 pandemic times, I want to share what we took for granted prior to 2020 and the positive lessons to take away. 

We missed our hugging and kissing our friends and families upon greeting them, how about we don’t forget the importance of the human touch and how it was missed and not to be taken for granted ever again. 

Our lives were often hurried March 15 2020, often not having time to do much of anything beyond work and chores at home, I hope we learned to take time to catch up on a phone call to a distant friend, start a new hobby and maybe learn something new.

 

Many of us complained about long work days and thought our jobs were indispensable, but if you are still employed and having a paycheck your lucky otherwise you found a new way to provide and survive and we learned to take take a deep breath and enjoy those moments where you have nothing pressing to do.  

 

The lessons learned over the past months, prioritize your priorities, adopt and adapt to change and become better human beings by being respectful of others who may differ from you in opinion, values and beliefs and ultimately we survived.

I know, I know, I was long winded and filled with grammatical taboos, but by now you know my journey is my story and it wouldn’t be the same with just a simple “thank you.” On my closing, may your holiday season be filled with joy of family and friends and the New Year 2021 be with filled with attainable resolutions and prosperity. Most importantly may it be filled with bountiful gratitude and genuine appreciation for what we have in our lives and take time to hear the reply after a “hello - how are you?” and welcome the gradual returning of the human touch.